Quick A/N:
There's a play list here -playlists
section-that goes with this chapter, if you
want to listen to some music while
you read, or want to listen to what I
listened while I was writing. DISCLAIMER: Some lucky lady named Stephenie
Meyer owns Twilight!I don’t own a thing,
just playing with her Universe._________________________________________
Chapter 8: The Attic
"The past is our definition. We may strive, with good reason, to escape it, or to escape what is bad in it, but we will escape it only by adding something better to it."
Wendell Berry
Fairy tales are wonderful, full of fantastical scenarios and magic that helps solve every problem. The beautiful princess meets a dashing prince; they dance, they kiss and they ride off into the sunset to live happily ever after. Why couldn't real life be that simple?
Bella meditated about this while she sat in her bed. She was still in a slight state of shock over the many revelations of the day. She had assumed from the dream she and Edward had shared that Marie and Anthony's story was probably one of trials and tribulations, but the romantic inside her had wished them a happy ending. Not the tragic one they had suffered.
She also couldn't understand why she was crying. She never knew of her aunt Marie until this day. She had no feelings for her, but for some reason she was unable to stop the tears from falling.
Thinking of all the dreadful things Marie had done made Bella feel sick. Killing her love who fought for her until the very end, because she couldn't cope with the idea of him giving up, of him leaving her. How could she? What was she thinking when she hit her car against Anthony's? Was she planning on killing him, or did she just want him to stop and listen to her? How could someone be capable of harming, murdering the one you love the most?
Why do we hurt the ones we love? Bella pondered as the wind outside started to pick up, making the branches of the tree outside her window sway lightly. This had become a comforting sound in this strange night; something constant in her currently changeful life.
She sighed as she lay down staring absentmindedly at the ceiling. She had so many things to mull over – her aunt's tragic past, her present predicament regarding her relationship with Edward, the obstacles standing in their way. How had her life gotten so complicated?
Just thinking about her aunt being a murderer, about her taking her own life, made Bella shiver. The idea of ever being so in love you couldn't fathom a life without your lover had seemed foreign to Bella a couple of weeks ago. Now, after meeting Edward, the concept of desperate, hopeless, endless love didn't seem so odd.
As these feelings swept through Bella's heart she closed her eyes and smiled. She could still taste Edward on her lips; a sweet taste that intoxicated her, drowned her, leaving her incapable of coherent thought.
Feelings like passion, infatuation… love, had never been a part of Bella's life. Until she stumbled into Edward, that is. She giggled at the memory of their first meeting, even though tears continued to fall from her eyes. Because as complicated as the circumstances were, she knew that she had found something unique with Edward. Their relationship wouldn't be puppy love, not with the intensity between them, something inside told her Edward was it for her. But what she it for him? What a strange thing to be pondering fate and love when you're only fifteen.
A light tapping on her window startled Bella just as she was about to succumb to sleep. For a moment she thought she was imagining things, but the tapping resumed after a few seconds and she realized there was definitely someone outside.
Bella was uncertain about what she should do next. Rationally she knew she should call her dad and get him to check whatever was outside her window, but instinctively all she wanted to do was open the thing and discover who her mystery night visitor was.
"You're so going to regret this," Bella muttered as she came closer to the window and opened the drapes. She squealed when she encountered a very wet Edward sitting on a big branch just outside her window, but quickly recovered and lifted the bottom sash to let him in.
Edward stumbled inside Bella's room, almost losing his footing due to exhaustion and his water-logged sneakers. Thankfully he managed to enter her bedroom without causing an accident or making too much noise.
"You know, you should be careful having that branch right outside your window. If I can climb it with wet sneakers it's probably not a very good idea to sleep with your window open," Edward commented as he took in Bella's room. It wasn't anything like he had imagined it. Based on Alice's room he had thought that all girl's rooms were littered with posters of popular actors and musicians, fashion magazines, shoes and more clothes than they could possibly ever need. He should have known Bella was different; after all, she was in every other aspect.
Bella's room was full of books, a desk in which he could see the meadow drawings she had talk to him about, notebooks, and various art supplies. Yes, her room was very different from the norm.
Bella blinked surprised by how nonchalant Edward's attitude was towards the fact that he was in her room at eleven at night and completely drenched from head to toe.
"Um Edward, I think the tree is the least of my concerns at the moment. What are you doing here so late and so…so…wet?" Bella asked, gesturing to Edward's sopping-wet attire.
Edward smiled crookedly before replying, "In case you haven't noticed it's pouring outside, of course I'd be wet. Also, in my great escape plan I didn't factor rain or take into account that your house was so far. So yeah…my bad."
"Escape plan? Edward, what are you talking about?"
"Yeah," Edward moved back to stand by the window, "before discussing my grand escape would you mind lending me a towel and a t-shirt?"
"Of course!" Bella answered blushing, embarrassed by her lack of consideration. It wasn't exactly a warm night, so he was probably freezing in those wet clothes. This thought drew her attention towards Edward's aforementioned drenched garments and when her eyes landed on his wet t-shirt she turned fire-engine red. Oh he's cold alright! She concluded as she gracelessly walked towards her closet to fetch some dry clothes for him.
Hoping to avoid hypothermia, Edward closed the window as he stood there waiting for Bella, and observed her as she raided her closet in search of clothes that would fit him. The results of her treasure hunt: a hoodie and a pair of sweatpants.
"Sorry, these are the only clothes I have that might fit," Bella apologized as she handed Edward her findings.
"That's alright," he joked. "Right now I'd rather be naked and wrapped in your duvet than keep these wet clothes on a moment longer…"
Bella's blush darkened at Edward's casual mention of being naked in her presence.
Edward loved Bella's blush. He wanted to surrender to his impulse and caress her cheek, but his hands were freezing. He didn't want to make Bella flinch away from his touch; he wanted her to bask in it, so he decided it was best to change clothes first.
"Do you have a bathroom?" he asked.
"Yes, of course. That door to the right is my bathroom." Bella pointed to the door across the room. "You can change there."
Edward gave Bella a lopsided grin and grabbed the clothes, walking towards her bathroom. Bella's eyes followed Edward's retreating figure until he reached the door, winked, and closed it.
Bella felt light-headed and flushed. She briefly wondered if someone had turned up the heat and resisted the urge to fan herself. Edward was being playful and so very tempting. The mere idea of him behind that door changing clothes made her all sorts nervous, but in a good way.
She had never been interested in what girls her age enjoyed. She had never felt the inclination to swoon over a boy or draw little hearts in her notebook like other girls in her school, but when she was around Edward she felt that and more. She felt more alive, more real, more connected. The world had seemed foreign and threatening to her in the past, but not anymore. With Edward she felt capable of defeating anything, achieving anything, becoming anything.
She lay down in bed, closing her eyes, imagining what it would feel like to kiss Edward in a different way, more passionately. When they had shared their first kiss in the meadow, she had taken great pleasure in it. Yet, with Edward she always wanted more. When they were just getting to know one another, holding hands made her want to hug him, hugging him made her want to breathe in his scent, and breathing in his scent made her want to kiss him wholeheartedly.
Kissing him awoke dormant urges within her - she wanted more. She just wasn't sure of what more was. She never was sure when she was away from Edward. When she was with him everything seemed easy, natural, unpracticed. Only with him she was capable of acting on her instincts, not her thoughts. With him she was free to be herself.
Suddenly, warm lips touched hers, lips she knew and craved. She opened her eyes to green, soulful ones that captivated her; drew her like a moth to the flame. And aflame she was, because this kiss was different from her first. She could feel it in the urgency of Edward's lips, in the way his tongue would tentatively peek and graze her lower lip, asking permission to explore uncharted territories. She could feel it in the way her whole body tingled even though Edward was supporting his weight on his arms. The only parts of their bodies touching were their lips.
She wanted more and she wanted it now. With that thought in mind she grabbed Edward's arms, forcing him to fall over her.
He tried to struggle, so as not to crush her. He was much too heavy to lie on top of her like she seemed to want so instead he made himself fall to the side, and without breaking the kiss brought Bella on top of him. The feel of her body against his made him feel like he was slowly burning, like a dying ember being rekindled by a gentle breeze. The fire was slow-building, but oh so hot.
Bella wanted to be closer, she needed to get closer. Riotous feelings battled inside her, feelings she didn't recognize, but were strong and loud. They screamed inside her mind: kiss him, touch him, taste him.
She had never kissed anyone besides Edward, and this was only their second kiss, but somehow she just knew he would enjoy her hand pulling his hair, grabbing behind his neck and kneading. She just knew he would groan if she gently bit his lower lip and brushed her tongue against it. She felt as if she were possessed.
Edward felt crazed. He didn't quite understand what was happening to him. At first, when he had come out of the bathroom and kissed Bella, it was on a whim. She had looked so pretty with her eyes closed. She looked like Sleeping Beauty and he felt like waking her with a kiss. But things were escalating; he didn't feel in control of himself anymore. He kissed, nipped, groaned, and caressed. He was doing those things, his body was doing everything, but he wasn't the one calculating the moves.
However, his worried musings were short lived when Bella finally opened her mouth and their tongues met. He felt so drunk with sensation, the Universe could have self-imploded at that very instant and he wouldn't have noticed.
They kept at this pace for several minutes, both unwilling to break the connection first, but gradually regaining their wits. Their kiss couldn't continue for much longer, they unhurriedly broke apart when their need for fresh air defeated their need to remain glued together.
"Whoa!" Bella said, dropping by Edward's side.
"I know," he agreed as he struggled to get his breathing back to normal. He felt like he had been running a marathon. Out of the blue, Bella started to giggle next to him.
"What's so funny?" Edward propped himself up on his side and turned to look at her. "Was it my kissing expertise?" he asked, amused.
"Nope," Bella answered with a beautiful smile that made Edward's heart stop for a second. "I just think we must be insane to be making out like that in my bedroom when my parents are sleeping down the hall."
"I didn't plan it; it just sort of happened," Edward admitted with a sheepish grin as he lowered his head back to the bed. Bella turned and they were face to face smiling like fools. They both knew this and couldn't care less.
"You know," Bella began, "whenever I'm around you, I forget about everything – my problems, the fact that my parents could walk in on us in any second, or that you're in my room at night, and I still have no idea why you're here. When you kiss me or touch me, everything else takes second place. I think…" she trailed off, "I think that logically, I should be more scared but I'm too giddy to feel frightened right now."
"My answer to that could be summed up with ditto Bella, because I feel exactly the same way," Edward confessed, gently pushing a strand of her hair behind her ear. Bella shivered slightly at the contact of his electrified fingers with the sensitive skin behind her ear.
"I'm glad we're on the same page then," Bella muttered, once again trapped in Edward's enchanting forest-green orbs. They were like beams of light drawing Bella to him, to his lips.
Before she could get sucked in once again, Edward blinked giving Bella a few precious seconds to recover her brain function and ask, "Why are you here so late Edward?"
Edward sighed heavily, rolled on his back, dropped his head back to the bed, and closed his eyes. "Well, I needed to see you and discuss with you some things my mom told me about Marie and Anthony. So I escaped my Ivory Tower and walked all the way here, in the rain, may I add." He opened his eyes and offered a small smile.
Bella's heart clenched a little imagining Edward walking all alone, from his house to hers. Granted nothing was too far away in Forks but it was at least a mile long walk and in the rain too. Remembering a particular part of Edward's explanation, she inquired about it, "What do you mean escaped your Ivory Tower?"
"Um…it was a reference to this book I read as a kid, Neverending Story? You see there was this princess who lived in an Ivory Tower, not that I'm saying I'm a princess..." Edward's rant was interrupted by Bella's hand covering his mouth.
"Edward, I know what you meant about the Ivory Tower, I was referring to the escaped part of your story." Bella stated with a heavy sigh, uncovering Edward's mouth to let him speak.
"Sorry?" Edward said with an impish grin plastered in his handsome face. However, all mirth abandoned him when he thought about what his mom had done. It had been the epitome of control freak in his opinion, and he really didn't want to share with Bella how crazy she had been acting since this morning. But deceiving Bella, even if it was lying by omission, made him uncomfortable. So he gathered strength and relayed the afternoon events at his house – the story his mother had told him, how he had been sent up to his room for not agreeing that Bella's whole family was to blame for Marie's actions and how his mother had finally locked him in his room.
"Just as I was about to give up I sat by my window and had one of those ridiculous light-bulb moments," Edward continued with his story and felt like laughing at the silliness of his escape plan. "There's a trellis just outside my window, it doesn't reach all the way to the ground but it gets close enough so once I climbed down I was able to jump."
Bella's eyes widened at this part, imagining Edward jumping from great heights wasn't doing anything good for her state of mind, in fact, she felt sick imagining all the ways that jump could have gone wrong.
Edward, sensing Bella's concern, gathered her in his arms and kissed her forehead gently in an attempt to reassure her. Nothing had happened. He was perfectly fine. So he continued undeterred by the brief pause, "So that's when my plan started to fail. I had decided to walk all the way here, but it started to rain, which was fine, a light drizzle is pretty common in this town most of the time. However, just when I thought it could be worse the heavens opened. Added to the fact that it was pitch black out it took me twice as long as normal to get here. Then I realized I didn't know if your parents felt the same about my family, so I couldn't knock on your door. Luckily, I got a break when I figured out which was your window, and had the brilliant idea of climbing the tree outside it."
"Wait. How did you know which window was mine?" Bella inquired, nuzzling Edward's chest. Being this close to him, in his arms made her heart soar and her body temperature rise, which was completely incongruent with the way her body was covered in goose bumps.
Edward's whole body tensed. Bella nuzzling him, breathing so close to his neck made his mind fill with improper thoughts. Still, he basked in her closeness and in how comfortable she seemed to feel around him. They were completely in sync.
He lowered his mouth to Bella's ear and whispered, "Yours was the only window with purple drapes and the lights on, lucky guess."
Bella's shivered encased in Edward's arms and he smiled against her neck, kissing it lightly. After a few seconds of enjoying their closeness, Bella spoke again.
"My parents don't hate your family. My mom told me she actually felt sorry for your mom, because she obviously hadn't got over the past. She told me you were welcome to come here whenever you wanted. I'm not sure she meant this late though."
Edward smirked, hugging Bella tighter to him. "I'm glad at least one set of our parents are sane. My only hope now is that my dad doesn't agree with mom. Otherwise, I might have to move in with my brother."
"Edward!" Bella admonished. "Don't say that! No matter what, your mother loves you. Her love may be misguided, she may scare me to death, but at the end of the day she loves you, and I'm sure your dad does too."
"Not enough to let me make my own decisions and my own mistakes. What does my mom think? That she can protect me from all that can be remotely harmful for me. I'm fifteen and even I know that's a ridiculous expectation."
"I know Edward, but she's going to try nonetheless, until she realizes how mistaken she is. We'll just have to be brave and endure it while she comes around."
Again there was a brief pause before Edward broke the silence, and asked, "What do you think Marie and Anthony want from us? Why do you think they are making us dream about their past?"
Bella had been wondering the same thing since she had come up to her room. She had yet to reach a satisfying answer, "I don't know. Your guess is as good as mine. I imagine, based on all the ghost books I've read that maybe they left some sort of unfinished business and they want us to finish it. Now the question is: how do they expect us to do that?"
"I guess we could start by researching them, things that our parents wouldn't tell us. We can go to the library and check out the newspaper clippings from the day they died. I could even ask Tanya and Jacob. They probably went to High school with them, and now that the cat is out of the bag, they'll probably tell me what they know," Edward replied looking straight at Bella's eyes, which suddenly widened.
"I have an idea!" she said jumping up, grabbing Edward's hand and pulling him to his feet. Not dropping his hand she headed for the door.
"Where are we going?" Edward hissed, knowing her parents were down the hall. No matter how cool they were about their friendship, they wouldn't be thrilled about him being in her bedroom at night.
"Stop being such worrywart! My parents are the coolest you'll ever meet. They won't get mad, especially in your situation. Which reminds me; won't your mom come straight here when she doesn't find you in your room?" Bella asked, stopping and turning to face Edward.
"I don't think so. Normally, she just grounds me until I agree with her. She probably thinks a night of sulking in my bedroom will make me see the light,so to speak. Thus, she probably won't figure out that I'm gone until tomorrow," Edward responded smirking at the brilliancy of his plan.
"Wipe that smirk off your face; even if you're right she will almost certainly call the National Guard when she figures out you aren't in your room. We'll still have to face her wrath at some point."
Edward brought Bella to him, hugging her to his body. "I don't care if she calls the president, she won't keep me away from you. Especially over something that happened forever ago. I refuse to let my life be ruled by events in which I had no participation or blame. What's done is done. Keeping me apart from you won't bring Anthony back to life, and you aren't to blame for what your aunt did or didn't do."
"That's a lovely thought Edward but you saw your mom this morning. She hates my family and me by association. She won't make our lives easy," Bella mumbled against his chest.
"I know," Edward sighed, "but would you rather stop seeing each other?"
"Of course not!" Bella exclaimed, hugging him tighter. "I don't think that's even an option anymore."
"I know what you mean," Edward agreed.
They stood in the same spot for a brief moment before Bella remembered they had abandoned the comfort of her bed for a reason.
"Come!" she said, dragging Edward behind her.
"Where are we going?"
"You'll see," Bella responded, giving him a mischievous look.
-x-x-x-x-
"What is this place?" Edward asked in between coughing fits. Clouds of dust were evidently flying around the darkened space they were climbing to.
Bella had directed him to a hatch which led to the dark space. He knew she was right in front of him, but couldn't be sure since there was no other lighting in the secluded space than the provided by a small window at the end of the room and the flashing lightning of the storm roaring outside that filtered through it.
"Isn't it obvious?" Bella said with amusement in her voice. She was viewing this as an adventure of discovery. She was intrigued by the haunting presence of her aunt all over her life. She had never met Marie, and yet she haunted her dreams, her house, her family, and even her blossoming relationship with Edward. It was time she explored this house and the secrets about Marie that could be hidden within.
"Not to me it's not," Edward answered petulantly.
Bella stifled a laugh, amused by Edward's antics.
"It's an attic! Duh!" she declared, turning on a light bulb in the middle of the room.
They both blinked as their eyes grew accustomed to the new source of light.
When they were finally able to see what lay before them, they were faced with a multitude of dusty boxes and a full length mirror that immediately caught Bella's attention.
"Wow, this is gorgeous!" she gushed, moving closer to the mirror.
"It's probably really old," Edward asserted, gently caressing the surface of the carved wood.
"Probably," Bella murmured, mesmerized by the old-fashioned mirror. It seemed so familiar. She was filled by a sense of remembrance, as if this was not the first time she had stood in front of this particular mirror.
Bella's mind was invaded by a fog, a fog that covered something inside it, something that wanted to resurface. She would have sworn she could hear someone playing a piano in the distance. She could hear a melody that made her eyes tear up. She didn't know the tune's name, but she could feel it tugging at a memory which invaded all of her senses. She felt wrapped in it, as if the melody were a cocoon that engulfed her, transporting her to a distant place.
"Bella, are you alright?" Edward asked, snapping her out of her trance.
"Huh? What?" Bella asked, still dazed by the poignant but indistinct memory of the song.
"You're crying," Edward whispered, brushing his thumb across her cheek, wiping away her tears. Bella's cheeks heated up under Edward's inquisitive stare and gentle touch.
She cleared her throat after a few moments and replied, "I don't know what came over me. I guess I got swallowed by the memories in this place. Everything here," she pointed towards the boxes and furniture scattered around the attic, "was my grandparents', and Marie's stuff is probably here too. That's why I brought you up here. I think we should start looking for clues here. Maybe we'll find photographs, or letters, something to help us unveil what Marie and Anthony want from us."
"So, we agree that we are being haunted by ghosts?" Edward asked.
"I don't know. I never really believed in ghosts before this day. But we have to agree that something strange is up with these dreams and with Marie and Anthony's story. Also, I'm not sure I believe everything our parents told us is what really happened. Why else are we being haunted in our sleep?" Bella replied, turning towards a couple of boxes and starting her search.
"Here," she said, handing a box to Edward, "look inside this box while I look in this one."
Edward nodded and proceeded to rummage around the contents of the box.
"Look!" Edward said after a short while, handing Bella a framed photograph. "Marie."
Bella stared at the photo in silence. She felt sadness surround her heart as she studied the features of her aunt. She could see little bits of her mom in her, even bits of herself, and that frightened her slightly. If Marie had indeed killed Anthony, did that mean she was capable of murder as well?
"She was very beautiful," Edward declared, drawing Bella from her reverie.
"Yes, she was," she replied simply.
They continued with their search for a few more minutes until Bella came across a notebook much like the ones she kept. She flipped through it and a shiver ran down her spine. There were drawings and poems that looked like something she could have written, all signed: Marie. Apparently, she was more like her aunt than she could have ever imagined.
"What is that?" Edward asked.
"It's one of my aunt's notebooks or so it seems, looks like she used her notebooks much like I do, like a journal slash drawing pad. It's filled with poems, drawings, look even some diary entries," Bella said, pointing to a particular one.
"The date places that entry seventeen years ago, around the time Marie and Anthony were broken up and he was living in New York," Edward asserted as he read the words over Bella's shoulder.
"Would you mind reading it aloud?" Bella requested, not sure she was ready to read about that particularly dark period of her aunt's life without Edward's support.
"Of course," he nodded as he picked up the notebook from Bella's hand and started to read out loud.
"Can someone live without one's soul? It feels like I'm doing that. He's gone. He has been gone for a while now, and my days seem like a duplicate of the previous one. I get up in the morning. I go to school and can't focus. Dimitri picks me up. He gives me what I need to be anesthetized, and I satisfy hismore primal needs. I feel sick, but I can't break the cycle, because I need to be numb to bear the pain that plagues my spirit or what is left of it. The part heleft behind, the broken part, not the beautiful one he used to love.
"I wish death would take me already. I'm too much of a coward to kill myself. I guess I've grown used to paying for my mistakes. Even if I die, even if death takes mercy on me and ends my pitiful existence, I'll still find new ways to torture myself, because it's what I do best. I was born with a self-destruct button, and I pressed it the night I broke his heart."
"Wow, that was intense," Edward declared after finishing that entry. He took one look at Bella and saw her eyes brimming with tears.
"Oh Bella," he crooned as he surrounded her with his arms. Bella sobbed into Edward's chest, touched by her aunt's written words. Never had she felt such sadness during her waking life. The only point of comparison for this pain was the sorrow she felt during the only dream she remembered. She sought Edward's comforting warmth like a thirsty man in the desert seeks water. She needed him now more than ever. She needed to confirm he was real.
And in each others embrace they remained, unaware of the wind or the lightning outside, oblivious to the noises of the night. They clung to each other realizing that they would need the other to survive what was to come.
So wrapped up were they in their little bubble, they never even noticed that the reflection of the boy consoling the sobbing girl in the mirror that Bella had admired – was not theirs.
_________________________________________
A/N Jeez! *wipes sweat of brow* This update about killed me. This week I was one Beta, and one pre-reader down, since I decided not to bother them. They are probably having a blast as I write these lines. *waves at Dante Levine and Lemonmartinis* They are meeting with a bunch of other Fanfic lovers in DC (USA) and I heard rumors of scheduled debauchery. *Winks* We shall see if the rumors prove to be true.
So, I want to thank Monamour, and especially Rhian0000 who not only pre-reads for me, but also chastises me when my arse needs a swift kick.
Any and all mistakes are entirely my fault always, and no one else's.
I know I'm fail, but prepare to be Review-Reply-Spammed as soon as I get Chapter 9 written…anticipated apologies.
This week I will like to rec a story by one of the authors who popped my Fanfiction cherry: Absolution by Miss Baby
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6054645/1/Absolution
Is a Lawyerward fic, WIP, so if you are in need of new reading material give this story a shot, I'm sure you'll like it.
I'm on Twitter as ange_de_laube I post any news there, and at the Twilighted thread.
Thank you for the kind words regarding the loss of my cousin, for taking the time to read, recommend, and review this story.
(Much Love)
Ange
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