First, I would like to take a moment to thank everyone who took the time to read and review my entry for the Cherry Exchange Contest. I may not have won, but it was a fun experience I don't regret and I appreciate everyone's support through it. Congratulations to all the winners. I admire most of you, so I'm truly happy that if it wasn't me at least it was someone who deserved it and whom I admire.
If you're interested in finding out who won just click on the Cherry Exchange button on my list of Twi-Sites of Interest (see sidebar)
Entry for "The Cherry Exchange 2010"
Title: From AfarPenname: ange de l'aube
Rating: M/NC-17
Word Count: 12882
Summary: Edward is a reclusive College freshman. He holds back from making contact with the girl he believes could be his one true love because he doesn't think he's worthy of her affections. Fate intervenes, and they become friends during a biology class. Will he have the courage to tell her how he really feels or will he be stuck with admiring her from afar?
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Twilight, or any of Stephenie Meyer's creations. I do own some killer black shoes and a very handy coffee maker that keeps me awake and functioning most days. No copyright infringement intended.
DISCLAIMER #2: I've never studied Medicine, went to an American College or High School, or even met a frat boy in my life. So take everything I wrote here with a grain of salt. It's Fiction, just remember that please. Thank you.
Seven thirty: she parks her decrepit truck in front of the Science building. She’s wearing that blue blouse I like so much, I wrote in my log.
I knew my sister thought that keeping a log — or a diary, as she called it — was too girly, but I always thought it was a good way to keep a record of the little stuff. It’s the little things that you didn’t often appreciate when you saw them for the first time, but as time went by, you came to realize they were more important on your life than you thought.
Like the color of your first car, or the way the first girl you ever loved was dressed the first time you saw her. White T-shirt, blue cardigan, and blue jeans.
She looked as beautiful as ever: no make-up, blue blouse, blue jeans and some comfy-looking sneakers. She was not the kind of beauty that needed hours in the hair salon, odd beauty treatment, or a stylist to look good. No, she was the kind of beauty that shone from within. She had the sweetest soul in the world.
She walked towards the science building where we had our first class of the day, and I followed. I was her shadow. From the first time I laid eyes on her, I just couldn't resist the urge to be wherever she was. So I did my best to work my schedule around hers and share as many classes with her as I could.
I knew this made me look creepy — that and the log I kept in which I wrote every single, little detail of our encounters — but I couldn't help it. I knew that she would never give me the time of day, and I was OCD-ish enough to want to record all the important things in my life. Lately, she had become the center of it.
I was pathetic.
She almost tripped when she was climbing the stairs that led to our BIO 101 class. She always almost tripped. I wished I could be the one to stop her from falling, but, alas, that wasn't my job. It would never be my job.
She righted herself in time to prevent her fall and continued her path towards the class. I always sat in the same spot, a table behind her, so that I could watch her inconspicuously, but my seat was occupied by a new classmate this morning. Only her table was empty.
I had to share a lab table with her? Great!
There was no way I wouldn't embarrass myself if I was that close. I always turned into a stuttering mess whenever she caught my eye and said hi. Apparently, she was beautiful and polite.
What If I have to talk to her during the class…
I gulped, just imagining the many ways I could make myself sound stupid.
I trudged towards the seat — the only available seat — next to the unreachable girl I'd been practically stalking for the last six months.
I could feel my palms sweating and my breathing growing shallow. I had never been this close to her except for the first time we met. The one time I ever came into contact with any part of her.
She had been so cute, apologizing for stumbling into me when she was walking into class. It was the one and only time I had allowed myself to do what every instinct in me always told me to do in her presence: touch her, protect her, help her get up when she was down, make her smile. I didn't know what possessed me, but I had grasped her hand in mine to help her stand.
When our skin had come into contact, it was as if my whole body lit up with an electrical current that surged so deeply within me, I could feel it in my soul. I had known in that moment that I was lost to her and forever would be.
What a sad burden it is to love unrequitedly.
I remembered fondly how I didn't stutter or doubt when I said the words she needed to hear. So that she wouldn't beat herself up for supposedly making a fool of herself on the first day of class.
"It's not every day an angel stumbles into you in a biology lab," I said with the brightest smile I could muster. Her face had lit up with the loveliest blush I had ever seen in my life, and if it was possible, I had fallen harder for her than just moments before.
It was the first and last time I had been able to conjure up coherent speech in her presence, and now I was facing a whole class period in which we would have to interact.
Great, just great.
I might as well get this over with.
"Um… hello," I managed to say as I took the empty seat next to her.
"Hi," she breathed in that soft melodic voice that made me feel sure there was a God in Heaven, for she had to be an angel.
"So…" I trailed, not knowing what else to add. I wanted to break the ice, to try and be as clever and funny as I could be — not that I could be a whole lot — but I wanted to try — for her.
I knew she was incredibly shy, and my being impolite when we were forced to work together today would do nothing but scare her off, make her feel completely repulsed by me.
I couldn't deal with her being repulsed by me. If I couldn't be her boyfriend I could at least be her friend, right?
However, it seemed words had failed me once again.
"Um… it seems like your usual table was taken by the new exchange student," she interjected when my pause went on for too long.
"Yes, so it seems," I replied, looking back and glaring at the exchange student who, was already making small talk with my usual lab partner, Peter.
"Good, doing these labs alone has been hard ever since my lab partner dropped out of the class," she continued and then looked down. She seemed really focused on something she was writing down in her notebook.
"You managed just fine," I said, trying to draw her attention back to me, because once I had it, even briefly, I craved it like the air I breathed.
"I just like the subject," she replied without looking away from what she was writing. Her hair was covering her face, and I could hardly see her expression. I was growing frustrated, because I could usually read her through her facial expressions, guess a bit about what was going on inside of that beautiful head of hers. It was maddening, so I upped the ante a bit.
"I'm Edward Cullen," I introduced myself, extending my hand for her to shake — my very shaky hand. "I believe we haven't been properly introduced." My voice broke near the end.
She hesitated for a moment, as if trying to figure out if I was for real or not. Not that I blamed her, I had practically squeaked the last part.
"I'm Bella Swan. Nice to meet you," she said in a low voice. I already knew her name. It had been one of the first things I had set out to find out about her. That and her schedule.
She hesitantly took my hand in hers, and the buzzing crawled slowly from the tips of my fingers to the roots of my hair. It was as if my entire body was engulfed in static electricity the moment our skin came into contact. It wasn't painful, though; it was a pleasurable kind of buzz.
She took her hand back quite suddenly, and for a few moments I allowed myself to entertain the fantasy that she felt the same buzzing I did.
However, my subconscious was quick to remind me that I was the same nerd I had always been, the one who hadn’t attended any high school dances, the one who hadn't kissed a girl yet at the age of nineteen. I was socially awkward and relationship-challenged. There was no way on God's green earth a girl like Bella Swan would ever want me as anything but her lab partner.
She returned to her furious writing. I guessed that she was writing an essay for her next class or taking advantage of the fact that our professor was running late to complete some homework. I turned in my seat and started writing in my log. It seemed as if our interaction was over for the time being.
Seven forty five: Her hair shines in reddish hues illuminated by the sunlight that filters through the windows. I never noticed she had red in her hair before today. It seems I've been too busy trying to read her reactions.
Our professor entered the room looking like he had dressed in a hurry. He had quite clearly slept in. He started giving instructions for the lab we would do today even before he set his messenger bag down. We would be doing a mitosis and meiosis lab that was pretty simple, and I had done it several times already. If it weren't for the fact that this class was a prerequisite for Science Majors or to get into Med School
I heard Bella groan next to me. It was obviously due to displeasure. She had probably done this lab as many times as I had. But hearing that sound coming from her made me squirm uncomfortably on my seat. My mind was filled with images of her making similar sounds but with a sultrier voice, full of pleasure.
Right, I really shouldn't let my mind wander to such places. Since I was sitting next to the object of my lustful thoughts.
"Have… Have you done this lab before?" I stammered, doing my best once again to engage her in conversation. I wasn't sure what was happening to me. Why had I chosen this day to torture myself of all days? I had been in almost every one of her classes for the last six months and never said anything more than hello and goodbye.
"Yes," she said in a defeated tone. "I took AP Bio in high school. I could do this lab in my sleep. I guess he didn't have time to prepare anything better. It looks like he slept in."
"Yeah." I laughed before I could stop my reaction. Bella looked as if she was stunned for a moment and blinked several times before uttering another word.
"Um," she said, her cheeks taking on an adorable pinkish tinge. "I've been observing you… I mean, I've noticed you in class… You seem like you’ve mastered this subject as well."
I was a bit taken aback by the fact that she had noticed me at all. I always assumed I was nothing, not a blip on her radar, but she had at least noticed my academic proficiency. Something was better than nothing.
It took me a long moment to reply, bewildered by this revelation. "Yes, I was in the Advanced Program as well. I want to go to Med School
"Really?" She smiled, and I felt as if I had a few hundred caterpillars turning into butterflies in my stomach. It felt ridiculously fluttery, and once again I questioned if I was even straight for having such girly thoughts. My brother, Emmett, would have a field day if he knew I referred to the fluttering in my stomach as “butterflies hatching”.
"Yes?" I replied, making it sound almost like a question. I was starting to slip and let my infatuation become too obvious. I had to deflect the conversation from me, maybe even get more personal information about my Bella.
"And you?"
"I want to be a nurse. But I also want to be a writer," she replied in that soft, innocent voice I adored as much as the husky one of my fantasies. "I don't really know what I want anymore. When I was in high school, for the longest time I wanted to be a writer, but then…" She trailed off.
"Then what?" I asked without really thinking. I noticed that my eagerness to know her inner, most hidden motivations was making her feel self-conscious, so I backpedaled. "I mean, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I know I'm practically a stranger. I was just wondering. Just ignore me. Okay?"
She smiled again, a gentle smile that warmed my heart like the sun on a cold December day.
"It's okay," she sighed. "My mom died of breast cancer when I was seventeen. I was with her during her entire treatment. She and my dad divorced when I was two, my mom didn't want to be a nuisance to Charlie, that's my dad's name by the way, so it was only her and me. The nurses and doctors who took care of her were so nice that I felt inspired to go into the medical field, but I don't have enough money to pay the tuition for med school. I guess, nursing school sounded like a good compromise. I can't believe I just told you all that."
To be perfectly honest, I couldn't believe it either. I was in awe of the strength it must have taken for her to be by her mother's death-bed, all alone. No wonder she wanted to be a nurse — although I suspected she really wanted to be a doctor — she must have seen them as angels when her mother was dying.
"Thank you for sharing that with me. It must have been so hard to go through that. I can't even begin to imagine…" I said in admiration.
"It wasn't like I did anything amazing. I was just by her side, like any good daughter would," she cut me off, before I could say anything else about just how amazing I found her. She didn't like flattery, even if it was deserved. I always knew she was shy and had a heart of gold. I just knew it from the moment I laid eyes on her. Now I had humility to add to the endless list of qualities I already had discovered she possessed.
"I do think you did something amazing…" I started, but I was interrupted by the professor telling us to start doing our labs. I reluctantly turned to face the front of the class and began to read my neglected lab sheet.
"So, you want to start?" Bella asked, moving the microscope towards me. I just smiled and nodded, taking a peek at the slide under the objective and writing the answer on our lab sheet.
"Anaphase," I said confidently. "Do you want to check?"
Bella gave me this playful look that made my insides squirm in excitement and she took the microscope from me, barely grazing my hand with her fingertips in the process. I felt really warm, starting from the part of my skin that Bella had touched and spreading throughout the rest of my body.
"It seems like you were right after all," she said without looking away from the objective. She changed the slide and took a peek as well. She wrote something on our lab sheet and pushed the microscope towards me.
"G2 Interphase," she announced. "Do you want to check?" she said in a gleeful tone I had never heard coming from her. Not that I've heard her talk that much, but she seemed more open, less timid, even a little bit mischievous today.
"Nope, I think you're good," I said, smiling and changing the slide. We kept that pace, going back and forth with little jokes and nudges. I felt as if I'd somehow entered the Twilight Zone. This morning I had been nothing but the geeky boy who stalked this beauty as much as our shared classes allowed and now I was almost like her friend. Friend, I thought, feeling the word in my mind. I could live with that. If that was all I could ever be to Bella, I could settle with being her friend. She sure appeared to need one almost as badly as I did.
When we finished our lab, there was still some free time before the class was over, so I turned towards Bella. I came as close as I dared to her and whispered, "I think that what you did for your mom was amazing and that if med school is your dream, you should fight for it. I could even help you find a scholarship. I really do think you shouldn't give up on your dreams. You owe it to your mom to live the life you've always dreamed of. She would have wanted that for you."
Bella looked at me, her eyes filling with tears and I immediately regretted putting my foot in my mouth. I shouldn't have mentioned her mom. She was probably still grieving for her. It hadn't been that long ago and bringing up that subject would only serve to hurt her. But as I was about to ask for her forgiveness, Bella smiled. The brightest, most blinding smile I had ever seen on her.
"Thank you Edward," she said in her sweet, little voice.
I thought I fell for her a little bit more at that precise moment.
x-x-x
The following days could only be described as glorious. Even though I was still in the shadows, admiring Bella's beauty and amazing heart mostly from afar, I was allowed to be a part of her world now, albeit, a small part. I was her lab partner and study-buddy.
I was even helping her research ways to get into a good medical program with a good scholarship. As I had deduced, what was holding Bella back from making a definite decision about her future was the money. She was wavering between her writing or nursing school and medicine. Writing and nursing school she could afford; medicine, she could not — at least not on her own.
She was getting help from her dad, but he was the police chief in the small town where she was born. He didn't make enough money to support her throughout med school. Her only income, apart from her dad's help, was a job she had at the University library.
I felt sick knowing that Bella was living practically from scraps, when I had more than enough money in my trust fund to pay both our rides through med school and have her living like a queen. However, I’d come to discover that she was proud.
Even the one thing that I would consider a flaw in other people, I saw as a virtue in Bella. Her pride made her want to do things on her own. For her, things such like my money or my family's name would be unimportant. If she loved me, I dared to dream, if she loved me, it wouldn’t be because of those things. She would love me because of myself.
Sadly, I wasn't “Bella's boyfriend” material. In fact, I doubted there was a man on this planet good enough to be with an angel like her, but surely there were better prospects than me.
There was one thing that I had noticed in the extra time I was spending with her in class and in the library when we were studying or researching: she always kept her notebook close to her.
The notebook, which I hadn't really noticed before, was something she kept with her at all times. I hypothesized that she was probably keeping a log, just like I was.
I was very intrigued by this theory, but I tried to make myself put it out of my mind. I knew that if I thought about it too much, I would end up obsessing over it until I wouldn't be able to stand myself. I had the tendency to obsess about anything Bella-related, and if I was going to be her friend — a good friend — I needed to get over it.
I tried, I really did try, but after many nights trying not to obsess over it, playing my keyboard and composing songs to try not to think about it, I caved.
"Bella," I started one day while we were studying in the library. "Do you mind lending me your notebook for a minute? I need to write down something I found in this book, and I forgot to bring mine."
I hadn't actually forgotten my log. It was just safely hidden in my backpack. I wanted to see how Bella would react to my request.
"Um… I don't know… I mean… this isn't really a notebook per se… It's… um…" Bella faltered.
I instantly felt bad for baiting Bella like I did. I had suspected how important that notebook was to her and yet I had put her on the spot. I knew about feeling self-conscious and insecure better than anyone. I should have known better than this.
"It's okay, Bella. I'll just ask the librarian for a piece of paper. I'm sure she has tons of recycled paper." I tried to reassure her. I could be such a douchebag sometimes.
Bella just blushed and nodded, obviously relieved that I let it go so easily.
Ever since that day, I had let the subject of her notebook go, but it still nagged me sometimes. I wanted to know everything there was to know about Bella. It was an urge I had felt from the moment I laid eyes on her, and now that I was granted a little bit more insight into the mystery of her, I had become greedy.
x-x-x
A whole month went by after the notebook incident. Bella and I had fallen into a routine of studying, walking to class together, and sharing cups of coffee during the breaks between classes. I had even gone to Bella's dorm several times to study, and she had visited mine with the same purpose.
I had been extremely happy with the little steps Bella took towards trusting me as her friend. Friend, somehow my original idea that I could live happily with just that title seemed full of holes all of the sudden.
I could sense the way other male students looked at Bella. She was gorgeous, and the only reason she wasn't already in a relationship was because she depended on her grades to keep her half-scholarship, and, therefore, spent most of her free time studying. I knew it was a matter of time though.
She was a lot more like me than I had originally guessed. She had told me one time that before her mother fell ill, she was a bit more sociable. She had a sizable group of friends and had even gone out on a couple of dates. I had to cover up my involuntary growl with a cough when she revealed this fact to me.
However, she elaborated a bit more on her dating experience by saying she never really was interested and had gone out with those boys more to placate her friends — who were worried about her being unattached — than because she actually wanted to go on those dates.
After her mother fell ill, and even more so after her death, Bella had decided that her life was her own, and she shouldn't try to please anyone.
"You only live once," she had told me on a rainy afternoon while we were cramming for a biology exam. "That's what my mom told me the last day she was conscious. You only live once, Bella. Try to make the most of it, because if all you do is try to please other people, one day you'll find out you wasted your life trying to please the world and failing, when you could have spent your life succeeding in making yourself happy."
I had to acknowledge that Bella's mom was very wise, in spite of the way Bella had described her. She told me her mom had had a new harebrained scheme every other week for as long as she could remember. The way Bella spoke about her mother's hobbies and many careers made me see a side of Bella I had been missing before.
Bella was sad and very lonely. I could hear it in her tone of voice when she regaled me with stories of happier times in her life. She was lonelier than me, if that was even possible.
I had my family back in Chicago
Bella only had her dad, with whom she barely had a relationship.
I felt bad for complaining so much about my life when I realized Bella had had a much more complicated adolescence. Yet, she remained untainted by the tragedy that had touched her.
My problems were so trite by comparison.
I swore that day that I would do anything in my power to see Bella happy, even if her happiness wasn't with me.
x-x-x
I was walking towards the library, like I did everyday to meet up with Bella, when I noticed someone standing outside a window looking inside. It was actually a couple of boys — one was pointing and the other seemed to be crouching near the window not to be seen.
I found that odd and highly suspicious, but they looked like frat boys, so I guessed that they were planning to prank someone inside or were tailing a girl they liked.
I walked past them, ignoring their murmured conversation. I was in a hurry to finally see Bella. The library was empty except for a few library workers and, of course Bella. This fact piqued my curiosity even more. Could it be possible that the two boys outside were waiting for Bella? Observing her?
It wasn't much different from what I had done for the first six months of classes, but that thought didn't stop me from feeling the dread coursing through my veins.
They were frat boys. Frat boys had only one thing on their minds, and it wasn't having loving relationships with attractive freshman girls.
They better not be targeting Bella. I will not allow them to put one of their paws on her! I seethed. They had no right to hurt someone as good as Bella.
"Hi, Edward!" Bella greeted me with a smile on her face when I set my backpack on the chair next to her.
"Hi," I said as cheerfully as possible, but I still had the seed of worry well planted in my mind. Bella of course, being as perceptive as she was, caught my sour mood immediately.
"What is it?" she asked me with a concerned expression.
"Nothing, just some frat boys with nothing to do that were outside the library," I said vaguely, not letting her in on to the fact that they were standing directly outside the library spying in. There was no need to worry her over my so-far unfounded suspicions.
"Oh, those boys," Bella groaned as she turned towards the window. She squinted to catch a view of the voyeurs and sighed heavily when she did. "They have been out there for an hour now. It's starting to creep me out."
"You knew already?" I asked, even more worried now that I knew the amount of time those boys had invested in their little reconnaissance mission.
"Yeah, they came in here about an hour ago looking for some books. I helped them look, but then one of them tried to get frisky with me. Luckily, Felix's shift wasn't over yet, and he scared the hell out of them and made them leave."
"What do you mean ‘tried to get frisky’?" I inquired, my voice betraying the anger that was already boiling inside me.
"Please, Edward, don't worry. They just invited me to this frat party next Saturday. When I told them I wasn't one to party, they were… persistent." Bella emphasized the word persistent in a way I didn't like.
"Persistent how?" I insisted. I wasn't letting this subject drop until Bella told me exactly what happened.
Bella blushed and looked down. She was feeling embarrassed and ashamed of something that wasn't her fault.
"Bella…" I said lifting her chin with my fingers, forcing her to meet my eyes. "Whatever happened was not your fault. Please remember that. At the risk of sounding like my sister, boys are pigs."
She cracked a smile at that, and I felt like I was getting through to her. "Please tell me exactly what happened," I begged.
She sighed heavily and straightened her posture before replying, "It was nothing really. The blonde one, I think his name was Mike, asked me to go to this party I told you about. I replied I didn't like to party, and that I was sure I wouldn't fit in with their crowd. They refused to take no for an answer and threatened to show up here next Saturday night and make me go.
"I got mad because that was like saying they were going to kidnap me or something. I just didn't understand why they couldn't accept my answer and move on, so I told them that. Mike and his friend cornered me against some bookshelves, and Mike gripped my waist really tight with one hand. I got scared, but not scared enough to forget all my father taught me about self-defense. So I stomped his foot and kicked him… er… let's just say where it hurts the most."
I was glad Bella defended herself and felt really proud about how she had reacted to those boys' unwanted advances, but I wished I had been there. I may not be a kickboxing champion, but I had lived with Emmett long enough to know how to throw a punch.
"Ouch!" I said and smiled broadly. She giggled, and it was as if the sound of her giggles had some sort of magical power over me. All the tension I had been feeling ever since I found out those boys had been harassing Bella immediately left my body in a whoosh.
"Anyways, they seem to have grown tired because they’ve left," Bella said, pointing towards the window. "Let's get out of here and go eat something utterly unhealthy. I feel like dipping my fries in a milkshake!"
"Ew!" I said in a playful tone. I was glad she was feeling better, but I worried about those boys coming back when she was alone. I doubted sixty year-old Mrs. Cope would be of any help if they came here, and college security didn't make enough rounds around the library for me to feel at ease about Bella's safety.
"Wait a second," I interrupted Bella's attempts to pull me up. I stood up and looked at her intently. She needed to understand I was being serious. "You need to realize that even though nothing really bad happened to you today, it was a dangerous situation. Stomping on some frat boy's foot and kicking him in the nuts will only work a couple of times. I think you should start carrying that stun-gun your father got for you."
"Edward," she said in gentle voice, as if trying to soothe all my worries. "You're such a good friend to me." I felt like flinching when she said the word friend. It just hurt to think that that was all I was to her, when I wanted so much more.
"Don't worry too much," she said, caressing my cheek, effectively distracting me from my morose thoughts. "I'll be just fine. My mom is watching over me from Heaven. You’ve said it yourself several times, remember?"
I just nodded, not wanting to argue anymore. I'd just have to make sure to be with Bella as much as possible. I would be her shadow for the next four years if that what was necessary to keep her safe.
I entwined my fingers with hers, something I hadn't dared to do in all this time even though I had very much wanted to, and I was overwhelmed by a feeling of rightness, of peace the likes of which I had never felt before.
Bella smiled shyly at me and grabbed her backpack with her free hand as I did the same thing. We started walking in complete silence towards the door. We didn't need to discuss where we were going or what we were eating. We just knew each other’s likes, dislikes, and favorite places to dine without needing to ask.
Maybe being her friend wasn't so bad after all.
x-x-x
"So…" Bella said, pointing at me with a fry. "Why don't you have a girlfriend, Edward?"
Um, okay, that was out of the blue. I didn't know how to reply. We really hadn't discussed my past, ever. I had told her the basics about my family, but we had never gone into depth about my past friends or relationships. Bella would ask, but I always found a way to deflect her questions and came back to my favorite topic, which was her past, present, and future.
I didn't feel like lying today for some reason though, so I answered as truthfully as possible.
"I just haven't found someone who wants me that way and that I also care about in the same way. That, and I don't really think I have the time for a girlfriend right now."
"Um… but you have time for me," Bella said noncommittally while she chewed on her lip. Every time she did something with her lips, I got distracted. I had to blink several times before I could respond.
"It's different. We have almost all the same classes and interests. I don't have to adapt my schedule to you, and you don't demand my constant attention like a girlfriend would," I said in a disinterested tone.
I didn't want Bella to start getting any matchmaking ideas. I knew from past experiences with Alice
Bella sighed and looked down momentarily, a reaction I found odd. It was her usual reaction when she was given a different answer from the one she was expecting.
"What is it?" I asked, perplexed.
"Nothing, I just worry about you. You're much too lonely for someone your age with your looks and intelligence." She sighed again, looking out the window.
I gulped. Bella thought I was good looking?
"You think I'm good looking?" Yep, I probably shouldn't have said that aloud.
"Of course!" Bella looked at me as if I had gone mad. "Why would you even have to ask me that?"
"Um… well…" I struggled to find the right words to answer. I was still too focused on the fact that Bella found me attractive.
"Seriously, though," she said, placing her hand atop mine, causing goosebumps to spring all over my arms. I had never been happier that I had decided to wear a long-sleeve shirt that day. "Why do you doubt how handsome you are, Edward? I've noticed you make a few self-derogatory comments here and there and never dared to ask why. But I've always wondered…" she trailed off.
I guessed this was as good a time as any to own up to my pathetic past. I didn't want to talk about it, but ever since Bella told me about her mom, and her life before and after her death, I'd felt like there was an imbalance in our friendship. She had told me her deepest, darkest secrets, whereas I'd kept mine hidden. I wasn't being fair.
This time I was the one looking out the window. I couldn't look her in the eyes while I recalled those unhappy times in my life.
"I didn't use to be attractive. I'm self-aware enough to realize I am now, but my past is not conducive to me fully believing it’s true."
"I don't understand…" she started to interrupt, but I squeezed her hand, begging her to let me continue before I lost the courage. Of course, she understood.
"For most of my life I was the sickly, scrawny kid that my big brother and sister had to protect. It worked for most years, but I always felt rejected. I was the geek of the class, the know-it-all, the teacher's pet, every single name you can think of, every single cliché, I was it. When I hit puberty, it got even worse. I was so tall and skinny. When Emmett left for college, I started to get bullied. Alice
"I started to pull back, to become more introverted. It got worse when Alice
"Anyway, this boy did a pretty good number on me. Left me bruised up and even broke my arm…"
Bella gasped when she heard this and squeezed my hand in hers even tighter.
"Emmett was royally pissed off. So that summer, he decided to stay home. He made me go to self-defense classes, taught me how to throw punches, how to defend myself. He made me take swimming classes to improve my asthma, made me go to a therapist to deal with my issues. He really took on the role of a father figure.
"My dad had always been too busy with his practice, and although I don't blame him for his devotion to his career, I do feel he missed some obvious signals that could have saved me some grief — had he noticed them. I don't know…" I raked my fingers through my hair, letting go of Bella's hand.
"Sometimes I feel that Emmett's approach was the best. I think that even if my father had noticed the bruises, if my mother had seen the way I was becoming more and more of a recluse, that I wouldn't have thought more highly of myself, until I learned I wasn't a freak. My big brother taught me that."
I smiled at the memory of the time Emmett had spent making me realize I wasn't a freak who needed to be exterminated, like some of my classmates had told me. I was a normal boy, a smart one who was just as deserving of friendship as anyone else. It had taken Emmett, a couple of years in therapy, and some soul-searching to make me see that. Even nowadays, at times, like when I first met Bella, or thought about her many qualities, I was tempted to believe in all those lies. I knew I still had a long way to go.
"He sounds like a wonderful brother," Bella said after a long silence.
"He is," I replied simply. There wasn't really that much that could be said about my brother. He was an even bigger influence in my life than my parents had been.
"You know, though?" Bella inquired. "You're not that boy anymore. You're strong, Edward. So strong that you share that strength with me. I wouldn't have made it without you. When you started talking to me, I was pushing myself to get all the credits I needed for nursing school as soon as possible. You helped me get back to the path I truly wanted. You've been my friend and my shoulder to cry on all these months."
A warm feeling expanded from my chest and radiated throughout my entire body, filling me with a happy buzz. I'd never been happier I had gotten the balls to do something before in my life. I only wished I'd done it sooner than I did. I would always regret the six months I wasted watching her from a safe distance. Being here, next to her, was so much better than being an unnamed shadow that followed her around.
Then she said the words that killed the buzz I was feeling and made me retreat into that dark place I had grown accustomed to when I was in high school.
"You're the best friend any girl could ever wish for."
Yeah, maybe being the friend wasn't so good after all.
x-x-x
It had been a grueling three weeks since I discussed my past with Bella. We had exams and papers due, which kept us occupied most of time. I was partly thankful for this. Ever since that day, the word friend had been repeating in my head like a broken record.
I didn't want to be just friends with Bella anymore, but I didn't know what I could do so we could be more.
I had been trying to keep my distance from her during the very scarce free time we had. I suspected Bella knew something was wrong, but she never said a thing. I could sense she wanted to though.
She would stare at me when we were studying, like she really wanted to say something.
She never did.
I could tell something had changed between us. Something was just different, and I couldn't put my finger on what it was. I just felt it.
It was a normal Friday night for me. I was studying since we had a big test on Monday, and Bella was going to come to my dorm when her shift at the library was over so that we could review together.
I had offered to pick her up, since her decrepit truck had finally expired, but she told me Felix's shift ended around the same time hers did, so she would just ask him for a lift to my dorm.
I was still worried about that incident a few weeks back in which Bella was almost molested by those frat boys. Bella had completely forgotten about it, dismissing the incident as “part of the college experience.”
"You haven't been to college if you haven't been felt up by a frat boy at least once," she had said with a smile.
I had just pointed out that there were several college experiences I'd rather go without. Like one-night stands with people I didn't even know, or getting so wasted I got intimately acquainted with my toilet.
She had made me blush by asking if I would prefer to have meaningless sex with someone I knew. Um… yeah… I really didn't need to go down that road. Besides, it wouldn't be meaningless if it was with her..
Taking my mind off those memories, I tried to focus on my notes. I looked at my watch and realized that Bella would be here any minute, so I picked up the phone to call and have a pizza delivered. We would need greasy food and extra-large sodas to survive this night.
I was just about to dial when I heard some tapping on my window. At first I thought it was my overactive imagination coupled with the lack of sleep playing tricks on me, but then I heard it again.
"Okay… that's fucking weird," I said, getting up from my seat and walking towards the window. I was on the fifth floor, for God's sake!
I looked out the window, and I couldn't see a thing. It was pitch-black outside, but then some movement on the ground caught my attention.
It seemed like a couple making out, so I was about to go back to my seat when another tap made me stop. I noticed something under the streetlamp light. It was a pink backpack, its contents scattered all over the ground. A big leather notebook instantly drew my attention, and I knew whose backpack it was.
"Bella…" I murmured as I really studied the couple hidden in the darkest part of the alley behind my dorm. They weren't making out. The girl seemed to be kicking, and trying to fight the guy off.
"Bella!" I screamed as I started to run towards the door. I threw the door open and I ran. I ran as fast as my legs would carry me. I ran the fastest I had run in my life.
My love needed me.
People were opening their doors. I heard a couple of questions being yelled at me, but I ignored them all. I was a man on a mission.
It seemed like the more I ran, the farther away I was. I couldn't get there fast enough.
What if I was too late? No, I couldn't be.
I turned the corner and then I saw him. It was the blonde guy from a few weeks back. He seemed to be alone at least, so I wouldn't have to fight him and his friend. He had Bella pushed against the wall behind the dorms. He had one hand over her mouth and was trying to get the other under Bella's jacket. His mouth was pressed against Bella's neck, and I could guess what he was doing.
Bella was fighting against him, trying to push him away, but he was too big for her. She didn't have any space to use any of her self-defense tactics on him.
I saw red. Who did that kid think he was? No one had the right to treat a woman like that, let alone someone as good and pure as Bella. I ran with purpose to where they were still struggling against the wall, and I pushed him off her with so much anger, he went quite far.
"What the…" he started, but wisely remained quiet when I couldn't contain my anger and ran towards him bellowing like a wounded animal. I must have looked like a demon that had risen from the underworld to seek revenge on those who faulted him in life. I could feel the anger in me building to the point that all I could think of was kicking, punching, and hurting the one who had hurt my Bella.
"Who the fuck do you think you are?" I yelled at him before lifting him off the ground by the collar of his shirt.
"Never, ever touch her like that again! Don't even dare look in her direction!" I seethed, bringing his pathetic scared, face very close to mine. I wanted him to see that I was capable of killing him if he didn't keep his hands and eyes off my Bella.
I let go of him and a look of relief seemed to invade his features just before I heard the satisfying, crunching sound of bone breaking under my fist.
"Argh!" he screamed, holding his broken nose in one hand. "My nose!"
"I will break more than your nose, you stupid excuse for a human being!" I said in an eerily calmed voice as I charged towards him and threw him to the pavement.
I didn't see anything. I didn't hear anything. I barely even breathed as I continued to punch his face and body repeatedly until I felt a couple of people separating me from him.
"What happened here?" I heard a voice ask in a worried tone.
"I was making out with my girlfriend, and this animal charged at me for no reason!" the scumbag dared to lie from his spot in the ground.
"Oh save it, Mike!" a girl said from behind me before I could escape the arms that were holding me to show the guy some manners.
"We all know how you are. This isn't the first time you've pulled something like this. Don't think I've forgotten when you put a roofie in Jessica's drink and tried to rape her. We couldn't prove that, but this we can. I saw the whole thing happen from my window and so did a lot of people. How drunk are you to think that you could get away with raping a girl behind one of the biggest dorm rooms on campus?"
I looked behind me to find a tall, brunette girl holding a sobbing Bella in her arms and giving Mike a look of disdain that reflected my sentiments exactly. She smiled briefly at me before turning to one of the guys that was holding me.
"Ben, I think he's cooled down enough. Please call the campus police. We need to get this crud arrested, and, if possible, expelled."
The guy holding me nodded and let go of me. His friend on my other side did the same, and I tried my best to keep my cool and not kick the daylights out of the crumpled boy on the ground.
"Edward," Bella whispered in a small voice before disentangling herself from the brunette's arms and jumping into mine. "Are you alright? Did he hurt you?" she asked, checking for injuries all over my body.
"Really, Bella," I said, smirking. "You worry about me after what happened to you? I should be asking you those things. Are you alright?" I said, concern replacing the previous mirth in my voice.
"I'm fine. Your lip is bleeding," she replied with her eyes full of sadness.
"Nothing a visit to the infirmary can't solve. I don't even feel it," I said, reassuringly.
I heard a small yelp from behind me and found the brunette crouching over Mike with a stun-gun in her hand.
"What? He was trying to run away." She shrugged.
I laughed bitterly, wishing I could have done more than knock him out.
"I'm Angela by the way. I'm your floor's RA*. We met on the first day of classes," she said extending, her hand for me to shake.
I gladly did. Not only did I like her, but now, with a little more perspective, I realized she had saved me from almost killing Mike. I'm not sure Bella would have been too happy if things turned out worse than the way they did.
I wouldn't have been happy.
"I believe this is yours," she said, handing Bella the stun-gun.
"Thanks, I had it in my backpack. I wish I had listened to Edward and put it in my pocket."
"Shhhh… don't cry." I brushed the tears that had started to fall from Bella's eyes. "That boy has been following you for at least three weeks. Like Angela said, he was so drunk and fixated on you, not even a dorm full of people deterred him from coming after you. This would have ended this way no matter what. I'm just happy I was down here in time to avoid things from going further than they did."
"How did you know?" Bella sniffled. "I didn't have time to scream before he covered my mouth. How did you know I was down here?"
"I don't really know. I was ordering pizza, when I heard a tapping noise on my window. I found it odd because my room is on the fifth floor, so I went to look out the window, but found nothing. I was about to give up, but then I heard it again. That's when I saw you," I answered, truly amazed about the events surrounding this night. It was sheer luck I had looked out that window at the moment I did.
Bella smiled and hugged me tightly to her. "Don't you see? You were right. My mom was looking over me." She met my eyes, and her smile broadened, all traces of the frightened girl I had been holding gone. She was my Bella once again.
"When I was a kid, I used to spend what my mother considered 'too much time' reading in my bedroom. She would throw little rocks at my window to get me to go out to our yard and do something with her. It was our thing, Edward. She alerted you. She made you look through that window."
My eyes widened at Bella's words. It did sound like supernatural intervention. Could it be that Bella's mom was really looking out for her daughter? It really didn't matter in the end. Bella was safe and in my arms, and if her mother was some sort of guardian angel for her, then even better. She needed all the help she could get with the way she seemed to be a magnet for danger.
The campus police arrived and took Mike into custody, while the actual police arrived. In the end, we spent the night answering questions in the police station. Not surprisingly, a lot of girls came forward accusing Mike and his buddy — who I learned was named Eric — of harassment, attempted rape, and several other crimes. It looked like Mike's brilliant days of stalking the college hallways in search of “new meat” were over since he was caught in flagrante delicto.
Eric's fate depended on how much evidence the police could gather for his apprehension. I suspected, though, that Mike wasn't the kind of man to go down alone. If he was going down, so was Eric.
We left the police station in the early hours of the morning. Bella was dead on her feet, all the stress of the night finally catching up with her.
I gathered her in my arms when we reached my dorm. I brought her here because she insisted she didn't want to be alone after what had just happened to her. I really couldn't say no to her. It had been a scary experience, even for me.
I put her on my bed, thankful that my roommate seemed to be out in someone else's bed. She looked like an angel, and I couldn't help but watch her as she slept. So many times I'd dreamed of her like this — sleeping next to me — under different, much more pleasant circumstances though. Finally, the fatigue won over and I fell asleep on the floor next to her.
When I woke up, Bella was looking down at me from the bed.
"Hi," she greeted with a sweet smile. Something was different about her. She looked like the first time I'd spoken to her: glowing, cheerful, even a little bit mischievous.
"Hi," I greeted back.
"You didn't have to sleep on the floor you know," she said, frowning.
I stretched and yawned before answering. "I know. You just looked so peaceful and lovely. I didn't dare wake you up."
"Thank you, Edward."
"For what?" I asked, not fully comprehending what she was thanking me for.
"You have to ask? Typical!" she said, propping herself up on one arm. "I could spend all day trying to list all the things I have to thank you for, but let's just stick to the most recent ones. You saved me last night. I dread to think about how much further he would have gotten if it weren't for you. You came just when I thought the worse would come to be. My knight in shining armor…" She lowered her free hand and laced her fingers with mine.
"I was coming to rip you a new one last night," she whispered after a while. I was too focused on our entwined fingers to reply, so I took a few extra seconds to fully grasp what she was saying.
"Uh?" was my brilliant response.
"You've been pulling away from me lately. When Felix dropped me off last night, I walked towards your dorm building with only one thought in my head: 'he's going to tell me what's wrong even if I have to torture the truth out of him.’ But then, you know what happened."
She looked out the window, the same window through which I'd seen her last night trying to fight that scumbag off. "But today you're just the same as always." She turned back, and the way she looked at me humbled me.
In all my life I had never understood the way some people said that the eyes were the window to the soul. I never saw anything remarkable in anyone's eyes — that is until the day I saw Bella's. Her eyes were infinite pools of molten chocolate, so alive, so full of answers to questions I never even knew to ask. But the way she was looking at me now, it made me feel like the king of the world; it made me feel loved.
For the first time ever, I felt loved, truly loved. Not the kind of love you get from your family, but the kind you can only get from your soul mate, your other half.
I didn't even believe in soul mates and other halves, and yet I was feeling it. Could this be real? Was I dreaming all this? I don't want to wake up if I am.
"My Edward," Bella said, caressing my jaw with her free hand. I trembled under her touch. It burned into my skin like a branding iron, marking me as hers. It was a mere formality since I had been hers since the first time I saw her.
"I have a confession to make," she whispered, looking out the window again. "I woke up early this morning, and I did something I'm not proud of. I've noticed that you keep a notebook just as I do, and all this time I've been dying to know what you write in it. So, this morning I crawled to your desk and read it."
My blood chilled at her confession. She had read it? My log? She knew I had been observing her for months before I dared to talk to her? She knew I loved her?
"You read it?" I said, my throat suddenly very dry.
She turned to me and nodded, a small shy smile adorning her features.
"Please don't be mad at me. I just… there was something that was pushing me to do it… and now I'm glad I did."
"You're glad," I said, standing up and letting go of her hand. "You're glad because now you know… You know I'm just a pathetic stalker. And you can leave, and…" I didn't know what else to say. I was fucking hyperventilating. I'd never felt so desperate, so scared before in my life. Bella was leaving. She knew.
"No, no, no… What the hell! No, Edward!" Bella said, standing up and walking towards me.
"I get it. I'm no better than that guy Mike. I get it, Bella, I truly do."
She shocked me by doing something completely unexpected, given the situation. She hugged me tightly to her, and then she kissed me.
Our first kiss, my first kiss, and it was with Bella.
Her lips moved over mine, and for a moment I just stood frozen, shaken by the number of feelings battling inside me. Love, fear, longing… finally my brain caught up with my body, and I gathered Bella in my arms.
I kissed her back with all the feelings I'd been repressing ever since I met her. All those times I'd wanted to kiss her, all the love I'd wanted to shower her with, I poured everything I had to give into that kiss.
"God! I'm glad I waited. That was the best first kiss a girl could ever wish for," Bella murmured against my lips as we fought to regain a normal breathing pattern.
She hugged me tighter and pressed her cheek against my chest as I reveled in the feeling of her breath ghosting over my overheated skin. She pecked my chest right where my button-down revealed some skin, and my whole body tingled.
"You aren't afraid of me?" I asked after a few silent moments.
"Why would I be?" Bella asked against my chest. "All you've ever done was protect me and encourage me. You've been a great friend, the best one ever. And I have another confession." She let go of me and walked towards her backpack that was sitting on the floor next to my desk. She picked up her notebook and handed it to me.
"It's only fair," she said in a low voice that betrayed her uncertainty about what she was doing.
"I don't have to read yours just because you read mine." I tried to spare her.
"I want you too, please…" she requested in a vulnerable tone.
I nodded my acquiescence. I really did want to read her notebook.
I sat on my bed, and Bella sat Indian-style next to me. Slowly, I opened the notebook, and I gasped. There, on the very first page, was a drawing of me. It was a great drawing. I didn't even know Bella drew like this. The only color in the drawing was the eyes, green — a deep forest green. Were my eyes really that beautiful? Is this how she saw me?
"Turn to the next page," Bella encouraged. She was smiling shyly. It was a tentative smile. A smile that said: “please don't be scared of me. I feel the same way about you.”
I turned to the next page and started reading.
I've caught him looking at me a couple of times. Why doesn't he speak to me? Ugh! I wish I could read his mind. He's such a big mystery… Always quiet. He doesn't have any friends or a girlfriend. Why doesn't he have one? He's too beautiful not to have one.
I started laughing at those words. It had been one of my greatest wishes as well, to be able to read Bella's mind. And she thought I was beautiful?
I read a few more pages. Bella had been doing the same thing I had. She had been observing me, taking notes about me. What I wore, what I said in class that she found interesting, even little fantasies — much like the ones I had — of how a date with me would be like.
Then I got to the page dated for the first time I'd spoken to her.
He talked to me! Finally! He's so nice and so smart. I think I'm in love!
I gulped and my vision blurred. I could tell my eyes were filling with unshed tears, but somehow I managed to ignore the insecurity that would normally nag me into stopping them from falling.
"I love you," I whispered, turning to look at Bella. I was done with hiding my feelings. If there was even a remote chance that she could reciprocate my feelings, I was going to put myself out there.
She traced my face with her fingers slowly, as if trying to commit to memory every one of my features. After a short while, she said the four little words that from that day on would be my reason for living. "I love you too."
I kissed her. I tried to show her the truth of my words and my joy at her response in that kiss.
My mouth traced every curve of hers. My tongue explored every part of her mouth.
She fell on her back and I positioned myself on top of her.
I caressed her body with my fingertips. I drew the outline of her curves, curves I'd wanted to worship for so long. It was all new and foreign to me, but somehow it felt natural. I'd already drawn her entire body in my mind, but feeling it now, moving under me, her hands exploring my back, the reality of it all was just so much better than anything my imagination could ever concoct.
"Edward," Bella moaned against my lips when my fingers made a pass over the curve of her breast. This brought me back from the hazy fog my mind was enveloped in, and I pulled back reluctantly.
"Love, we can't. It's too fast. You had a traumatizing experience last night. I don't want you to do anything you could regret," I said, fighting the need I had to continue where we left off.
"No," Bella insisted. "We've waited long enough as it is. I'm not willing to wait any longer. I want you, Edward." She pressed a kiss to my jaw making a slow descent towards my chest, leaving a hot trail over the length of my neck. I groaned. The feeling was exhilarating.
"Are you sure?" I croaked.
"I've never been surer of anything in my life. This," she said, placing a kiss over where my heart was, "is where I want to be."
"You already are," I stated before picking her up in my arms and positioning her body so that she was sitting astride me. "You've been in here," I said, placing her hand over my heart, "ever since the day I laid my eyes on you."
That was all that needed to be said. We kissed slowly, languidly, putting into actions the many feelings that were threatening to take over our very beings.
One by one our clothes were peeled off our bodies, revealing the arcane gift of our nakedness to each other. The floor of my dorm was strewn thick with the remains of our garments. We were saying goodbye to our innocence one item of clothing at a time.
I gazed in awe at the beauty that was Bella's skin: flawless, white as marble, and just as soft, but she was not cold. She was warm and pliable under my touch.
Her moans were a symphony that set the rhythm of my actions. When she liked something, I did it again and again until her moan was a long sound that reverberated throughout my entire frame.
Playing her body, learning where she liked to be touched, was as entrancing for me as the first time I'd sat down to play the piano. Much like that day so long ago, I tested the keys of her body to know how to best combine the sounds and turn her voice into a beautiful melody.
Her breasts fascinated me. As a future med student, it wasn't the first time I'd seen naked breasts in my life, but it was the first time I'd seen them in person. And Bella's were especially perfect. They were peachy and a perfect handful. I took one into my mouth, and Bella's taste sent me into frenzy.
Her scent grew stronger and her sounds even more arousing as I paid attention to her glorious mounds.
"Yes!" she hissed through gritted teeth, as she grabbed me by the hair and pulled my face closer to her chest.
"Do you like that? Is it good?" I asked, completely mesmerized by the sounds she was making and the way she was gripping my hair. It was surprisingly pleasurable.
"Mmmm…" she moaned, and I took that as a yes. I continued tasting her, moving my lips from her chest to her flat stomach, making a path to her belly button. I'd heard from Emmett that girls loved it when you dipped your tongue inside it, so I did just that.
I swirled my tongue around Bella's belly button and briefly put it inside. The long, drawn-out moan that escaped her throat made specific parts of my body grow.
All I wanted was to be buried inside her, the desire to just take her was fogging my mind, and I almost lost it. But I reminded myself that most girls' first times were painful, so I needed to make Bella orgasm before I could garner any pleasure for myself. It wouldn't do if I was the only one enjoying our first time.
I continued my downwards path and prayed to any deity who deemed I was worthy of their help to guide me through this particular part.
I knew the basics of what I wanted to do, but knowing the theory was not enough, and my desire to please Bella, to make her experience the kind of bliss I was sure to feel once I was inside her, was overtaking all of my senses.
"Edward, what are you…" Bella began, but stopped immediately the moment I started to lower her underwear. Our eyes met, understanding the significance of this action. She nodded when I paused, so I continued throwing the flimsy scrap of fabric to the floor.
Now she was naked and under me, a view I had dreamed about so many nights. She was perfect, long legs, satiny skin, pale as the moonlight, curves and white and pink, and the way she smelled... God, if only I could bottle that smell and carry it with me all day, I'd die a happy man.
I stroked her shapely legs, placing little kisses over their length. Bella's breath hitched every time my tongue would peek out to have a taste of her skin.
I finally reached my prize, and Bella's eyes widened when she realized what I was about to do.
I did my best to keep my cool and remember every single porn movie Emmett made me watch while I chanted in my head: you can do it, you can do it…
Bella's taste was even better than the way she smelled, and the sounds she made when I had my mouth on her were indescribable. My need to see her unravel under my ministrations moved me to suck and lick and move my tongue with an agility I could have never guessed I could have.
"Mmmm…" I hummed as I sucked her most sensitive point and flicked my tongue against it. Bella's whole body stiffened, and her legs wrapped tightly around my head as she groaned her release loudly.
"Edward…" she called in a soft breathy voice as her whole body relaxed against the bed. I crawled upwards, placing open-mouthed kisses all over Bella's body as I went.
Bella's eyes were closed, and a lazy smile was plastered on her face. I kissed her eyelids before she slowly opened her eyes. Her brown, endless pools were darkened by lust, a feeling I was familiar with whenever I was around Bella, but I could have never guessed I would see coming from her eyes.
She moved her legs around my waist, and I groaned when she lowered my boxers with just her legs. It was fucking sexy, and not what I expected from innocent, sweet Bella…
"Minx," I whispered against her neck as I kissed from her collarbone to her jaw.
"Edward, look at me," Bella said, putting her hands on each of my cheeks and bringing us face to face.
I gulped, coming to terms with the immensity of this moment.
"No matter what the future is like, and no matter where we are ten years from now, I'll always remember this day," she murmured against my lips before kissing me briefly.
"No matter if I live to be one hundred or twenty five, this will be the happiest day of my life. You're my everything, Bella," I said, kissing the tip of her nose tenderly.
"Do we have to… I mean are you…" I stumbled on my words when Bella grabbed my dick in one of her hands and guided the tip to where I most wanted it to be.
"It's okay," she said against my ear. "I've been on the pill since I was fourteen. Cramps, you know. Just be gentle. We are made for each other, Edward."
I nodded against her cheek and slowly eased myself inside her.
I'd never been a religious man. I had always placed more importance in science and fact, but the feeling of finally joining with your one true love could only be described as an out-of-body experience. Bella was heaven.
She yelped once I was all the way inside her, and I struggled to stay as still as possible to make sure she was fine before I started moving.
"Are you alright?" I asked in a broken voice. I was feeling too many things, bliss, happiness, overwhelming love.
"I'm great, perfect in fact. You can move now."
And move I did. I didn't last long once I started moving. Bella didn't come like she had when my mouth was on her. I'm pretty sure it wasn't the best sex any human being had ever had in the history of the world, but it was perfect.
I was finally complete, after all the time I'd spent alone, wondering what was wrong with me, wondering why I couldn't find love outside my family. I finally realized I just wasn't in the right place in the world. Fate intervened to bring me and my love to the same state, to the same college, at the same time.
As I came with a loud groan inside my love, while she dug her nails sharply into my back, I finally realized I was worth loving. No matter what, I'd never be alone again.
x-x-x
"Daddy! Daddy!" A bouncing four year old with brown eyes and bronze curls jumped into my arms as soon as I crossed the threshold.
"How is my Baby-Bee?" I greeted my daughter as I buried my nose in her sweet-smelling hair and hugged her little body snugly to me.
"Mommy is making cookies!" she happily announced as I set her back on the floor. "The special ones with Pringles!”
"It's sprinkles honey, not Pringles," I said, trying to stop the laugh that wanted to escape me. Little Renee hated when someone dared to laugh at the way she pronounced words. She was a little lady, and little ladies said everything right, or so she said.
"Doesn't matter…" she said, pouting and crossing her little arms in front of her chest. She looked so much like Bella when she did that.
"Was your mommy early picking you up today?" I asked, placing a kiss on the tip of her nose, and she giggled.
"Yep." She nodded. "Mommy has a secret, but I can't tell."
"Really?" I replied in a teasing tone. "Not even if the tickle monster comes out to play?"
"Nah uh…" she said, laughing openly now. I loved her laughter. It was the best sound in the world next to her mom's laughter.
"Is that right?" I asked, wriggling my fingers in front of her menacingly.
"Mommy, Mommy! The tickle monster is after me!" she screamed, running towards the kitchen.
I walked right after her and kissed my wife's pouty lips before she could utter a peep.
"Daddy kissed mommy!" Little Renee giggled from her hiding place behind Bella.
"Yes, he did," Bella said, picking Renee up and kissing her rosy cheek. "People who love each other give each other kisses. Why do you think I like to kiss you so much?"
"Cuz you love me?" my baby asked with wide innocent eyes, her mother's eyes.
"Yes, baby, because we love you," I confirmed, kissing her forehead.
"Okay, Renee, go bring your daddy's gift," Bella said, setting Renee on the floor. My daughter wasted no time in running towards the living room to fetch whatever my gift was.
"What's the occasion?" I asked, wrapping my arms around my wife and placing a soft kiss against her jaw.
"You'll see," she said with a big smile. It was as big as the one she'd had the day she said yes when I asked her to marry me, the same smile she had when we were pronounced husband and wife, the same smile she had when we found out our Renee was on the way.
I didn't want to get my hopes up, but ever since Bella and I had finally ended our residencies, we had been trying to get pregnant again, with no luck so far. Could this be it?
"Here, Daddy." my Baby-Bee handed me a little package.
"Thank you, Baby-Bee," I said, placing a kiss on her little hand. She loved it when I kissed her hand or her mom's hand. She said that's how ladies should be treated and I couldn't agree more with her.
I unwrapped my gift and gasped once I got the little box opened. A pair of booties was all the confirmation I needed. I was going to be a dad, again.
"I love you," I said, kissing Bella fully on the lips, my soul soaring from happiness.
"I love you too," she replied, dazzling me with her smile.
"And me?" little Renee asked, pouting once again.
"Of course I love you!" I said picking her up. "Where would I be without my Baby-Bee?"
It was moments like this, when I had my arms around my wife, my hand gently placed above her belly, as I hugged my daughter to me, that I was thankful for that day, so long ago in biology, when I decided I was ready to stop admiring my love from afar. The view from up close was so much better.
A/N I've been having the worse case of writer's block in the history of the Universe so I thought I'd give this O/S a try to get over it. I'm still not 100% sure it worked. I'll just type and see.
:)
This O/S wouldn't be readable without babsiebaby and MellieB40's help. They not only made this readable, they did it in time for the deadline for the Contest! *squee*
Also, a big Thank you to PTB's Betas: Adt216 and AnthroBug who made this grammatically correct. If you have the time, willingness, and skills to help, please check PTB's webpage (http://www.projectteambeta.com/) and join their group of Betas.
If you feel like reading the other entries visit the Community:
http://www.fanfiction.net/community/The_Cherry_Exchange/85263/99/0/1/
For more info on this Contest visit: http://thecherryexchange.com/
I hope you liked all the fluffiness… lol…
*hugs*
Ange xxx
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