Disclaimer: These characters are the sole
property of Stephenie Meyer. I am just messing around with them.
A/N I don’t have a pre-reader or a Beta or
anything of the sort. All mistakes are mine and mine alone.
-x-X-x-
A Love So Beautiful
Hertfordshire, England 1889.
When I was but a
girl, momma used to read me storybooks before I went to bed. We would sit in
front of the fire and she would read me books filled with dashing princes and
beautiful princesses.
I used to
imagine that one day Edward would be my prince. That he would come to my rescue
while I was being held in a high tower and take me away to live with him in his
castle.
As a small child
those romantic adventures seemed like the most fantastic experience I could
ever wish for. To have dragons and battles to fight before you could be with
the one you loved, your prince. It seemed like such an enchanting dream in my
innocent child’s mind. Now faced with real life dragons that threatened to keep
my prince from me I did not deem the fairy tale as marvellous as I once had.
I am restless,
counting the minutes until Alice appears through the window with my prince.
Alice, my unexpected fairy godmother. She had been so kind in her offerings to
assist me. I know part of the reason lies in her own tumultuous history with
love. If she didn’t get her fairy tale ending she wants to help Edward and I
get ours.
Suddenly, a soft
knocking in my window takes me away from my troubled thoughts.
“Edward,” I gasp
as if I’ve just been handed a pardon mere seconds before being escorted to the
gallows. I know is not wise to have high hopes in this reunion but I can’t help
my heart from lurching inside my chest.
I open the
window slowly, fearing what awaits me on the other side.
Alice is
standing there, wearing a dark cloak that aids the soft dusk light in shielding
her from prying eyes. Behind her, Edward stands, wearing a bewildered
expression, as if he was seeing a ghost.
“You tricked me!”
I hear him hiss in Alice’s ears.
“I was doing you
a favour,” she whispers as she pushes her brother inside with a force that does
not match her petite size.
“My apologies,
Bella,” Alice addresses me as she enters my room behind Edward. “My brother was
too busy emulating a mule so I had to embellish the truth a little to make him
accompany me.”
“Embellish?” I
hear Edward protest behind me.
“Okay, I lied! Feel
better, dearest brother?”
“Hardly,” Edward
replies as he unceremoniously plops himself into an armchair by the fire.
I feel an odd desire
to laugh at the siblings’ antics. While growing up I always envied Edward for
having an older sister in whom he could relied on. As an only child I always
wondered what it would be like to have someone with whom to share my happiness
and sorrows and who would tease me the way Alice teased Edward.
“I tried to
explain to him that he needed to speak to you but her refused. Thus, I invented
a lost jewel to lure him to Beachcombe House. He would not be swayed to meet
with you but I outwitted him.” Alice smiles as she has just accomplished a
great feat.
“Well now,” she
continues. “I’ll be drinking some tea in the drawing room while you chat. I’ll
see if Lady Renee and Lady Beachcombe are willing to share a few cups with me.”
I look at her
perplexed while she speaks to me directly. “I already said all I needed to say
to this obstinate boy. Now I leave him in your hands. Do your worst, he
probably deserves it.”
Alice turns
toward the window and before she descends the balcony stairs that lead to the
garden she points her finger at Edward and says, “Tell her everything or so
help me…” she trails.
Edward’s eyes
harden at Alice’s words but he nods.
-x-X-x-
We sit in
silence for a long time and I’m almost certain Edward will not utter a single syllable
before Alice returns.
As I’m giving up
hope he finally decides to speak.
“Father said
that if I choose to marry you he would disinherit me and cut me off from the
rest of the family. He cannot refuse me the title of Earl of Masen because it’s
entailed but he can deny me his monetary support. I instructed that he could
shove the entire family fortune up his arse because I don’t give a whit about
any of it.”
“You did not say
that!” I say, a mixture of appalled and awed at Edward’s fearlessness. Lord
Carlisle, Earl of Masen, is a fierce man, a true force to be reckoned with. Men
all over England fear him and yet his sixteen year old son dared to disrespect
him and challenge him in the process. All of it on my behalf.
“I did,” Edward
says with a gentle smile that doesn’t ring true. “A lot of good it did,” he
adds in a sad tone and proceeds to avoid my eyes by looking out the window.
I go to him and
lower myself on the floor beside his chair. Not an easy task given the width
and volume of my skirts. I place my head gently over Edward’s arms, showing him
that no matter our current predicament I’m still his friend.
He looks at me
and I can almost see in his eyes the words he has yet to speak aloud.
My breathing quickens
under his intense scrutiny. I feel dizzy.
“Do you love me,
Bella?” he asks unexpectedly, daring me to speak the words first. I almost want
to deny them, to lie, minimize my feelings for him, but I choose honesty
instead. Edward is after all my one true friend.
“From here to
forever,” I state without speaking the actual words.
Edward nods as
if acknowledging my reply and looks out the window.
“I love you
beyond forever,” he says and my heart stops for an instant before restarting.
He lifts me from
my place on the floor with ease and places me on his lap. He’s hugging me to
his body while I bask in the words that I so desperately sought to hear from
his lips.
“I love you so intensely
sometimes I feel as if my chest will burst from lack of space. My heart is full
with you my Bella and there’s nothing
I desire more in this world than to grow old with you. Nothing I want more than
to love you until my last breath.”
I let Edward’s
words wash over me like a tidal wave, cleansing me from the doubts that had
plagued my mind ever since he refused to fight for us.
I shiver in
Edward’s embrace and I feel his hold tighten around me before he continues, “We
would have been so happy,” he says in a dispirited voice.
I turn in his
arms and study his features. He looks as if he’s looking at Paradise’s doors and
turning away in the opposite direction.
“My father—" Edward cuts himself off as if the words hurt as
they tumble out of his mouth.
I look at him
beseechingly, asking without asking that his next words are not another closed
door on our future.
Edward kisses me
then, softly at first, deep and unyielding the next second. He’s kissing me with the tenderness of first
love and the longing of love lost. It hurts me as it warms me all over. I can
feel our tears mingling between our lips. Their savoury taste mixing within our
caressing tongues.
After some time,
the fleeting light of the sun disappears in the horizon and Edward’s kisses
stop with it.
I take a deep
breath sensing his next words will cut me to the quick.
Edward clears
his throat before he can garner the courage to continue. “My father said that
if I did not care about honour or my inheritance that I should at least care
about my mother.”
I’m about to
protest but Edward stops me by placing a finger over my lips.
“Please, I need
to continue. I don’t know if I’ll have the strength if you make me stop now.”
I stay very
still as he proceeds to rip my heart out with his next words.
“My mother is
very ill. She has been for a while, ever since she birthed me. Father always
said that she was of a weak disposition, but I always suspected there was
something more. Today when father made his announcement of the marriage arrangement,
he told me of the true nature of my mother’s condition. Mother, she suffers
from a heart condition. That’s why she stays all year long in Masen House even
when father spends most of his time in London. Her condition was exacerbated by
each of her pregnancies. According to my father the doctor had advised after
Alice’s birth that my mother should avoid having another child. But mother was
so hopeful, so obstinate, she decided to try again, give my father his heir.
Ever since I was born her health has been worsening with each day. My father
says she could have a relapse and leave us any day now.”
I am shocked by
Edward’s confession. Is Lady Esme that ill? She always seemed delicate to me,
but I’ve known her as a pale, almost ghost-like woman for so long I never attributed
it to an illness of some sort.
“Does Alice
know?” I ask Edward while I retake my seat across from him. I need some space
between our bodies if this conversation takes the turn I fear.
“I told her
before we came here. She believes father is exaggerating to force me to bend to
his will. I know father well enough to know he would not lie about mother’s
condition regardless of my lack of cooperation with his plans. If there’s one person in this world my father
has ever truly loved that person is my mother. He would not use her like that.”
“But he’s using
her,” I state in outrage. “He’s using her condition to force you to accept his
mandates! Even if he’s saying the truth he’s using her!”
Edward blinks as
if he hadn’t considered that angle of the situation, then shakes his head as if
dispelling an ugly thought.
“It doesn’t
matter. He’ll keep me away from her and sacrifice her if it saves his honour. In
spite of my father’s questionable behaviour I can’t bring myself to fail my
mother as badly as he has. If she’s dying then I have to do my utmost effort to
make her last days peaceful ones.”
“Edward, your
mother adores you. She was suffering along with Alice when your father forced
her to marry Lord Jasper. Do you really think your sacrifice will bring her any
happiness?”
“She doesn’t
need to know. I can make her believe that I love Victoria. I can make her
believe it’s a love match.”
“To what
purpose?” I demand. “She’s your mother. She’ll see right through your lies. And
what if she lives long enough for you to truly marry Victoria? What if she
lives for the next ten years? No one knows when the Lord might call upon then.
Even the most renowned doctors have been known to be mistaken. Her doctor could
be wrong and you would be sacrificing your happiness for naught!”
“My Bella,”
Edward says in a soothing voice. “If roles were reversed and it was your mother
in this condition would you not do the same as I?”
Edward’s
question takes me by surprise. In truth I hadn’t considered Edward’s
predicament in that light. I couldn’t say that I would be reacting any
different from Edward.
Tears start to
choke me as I attempt to hold them at bay.
“Maybe you could
wait for me?” Edward offers cautiously, fear palpable in his voice.
“What do you
mean?” I ask, puzzled.
“If mother’s
health improves before a wedding day is set I would try to convince her to
leave father and come with me to America. I would leave all behind, break the
engagement and come to you. It’s my last hope.”
And a fleeting
hope at best, I muse.
“I can’t promise
anything more than you can,” I reply in a daze. Everything is hurting in me and
I can’t even infuse some sentiment into my words. “All I can hope is that you’re
making the right choices, and I hope with all my heart you don’t hate yourself
for this decision in the future.”
Edward doesn’t
reply and I notice Alice standing near the window.
“Edward if we
are leaving for the ball we need to leave now. Although, I’m hoping you’re
staying,” Alice says as she cast us questioning looks.
“No, I’m
leaving,” Edward replies.
I can see
confusion and pain cross Alice’s features before she collects herself.
“Very well, I’ll
wait for you by the horses,” she says and then leaves.
“She’s
disappointed in me,” Edward says, breaking the silence. “She thinks I should
send everyone to the devil and go with you to America.”
“She’ll overcome
it in time,” I whisper. My words seem so hollow.
“I hope you will
too. You’re the only one I never wished to harm and yet, here I am, hurting
you.”
I don’t say
anything. There’s nothing I can say.
“When will you
leave?” he asks.
“Tomorrow
morning. My parents have purchased tickets in the nearest sailing ship. They
think I need to spend some time with my aunt Leah. She lives in Martha’s
Vineyard. I love it there.”
Edward nods and turns to leave.
“Bella,” I hear
him say from the other side of the window. I meet his gaze, his verdant eyes
that I shall never forget for as long as I live.
“If you ever
have a son, will it be too much to ask that you name him Edward? After your old
childhood friend. I always wanted a son with your eyes, and your hair and my
name.”
I can feel the
tears falling and I don’t try to hold them from spilling anymore.
“No, I think
Edward is a lovely name. I’ll do that, if I ever have a son.”
“Thank you,” he
whispers and then he leaves too.
I lie in bed,
choking in my endless sobs as I try to think of happier times with Edward. More
innocent times, in which whenever I dreamed of having a son I imagined him with
tousled bronze curls and green eyes like his father.
Now, in a house
not far from where I’m drowning in my tears, another woman is handed the future
I dreamed of on a silver platter.
-x-X-x-
Okay, who
hates Carlisle now?
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