I started this story to get my writing juices flowing. I need something that forces me to write everyday so I'm going to try this method. So far so good... wrote a lot in the last two days so I'm happy. :)
This story is labelled Angst. Which in my
language means all bets are off and I can hurt my readers as much as I want
with all the angst I can throw their way. So, do not ask me if this will have a
HEA or if Edward will be with Bella, because I’m doing the evil thing and
pleading the fifth.
For those brave enough to stay, thank you.
Disclaimer: These characters are the sole
property of Stephenie Meyer. I am just being cruel and making them suffer a bit
more than she did.
A/N Not beta’d. Tried to find one but I already
have AV on PTB and SRP is not taking multi-chaptered stories so *shrugs* Sorry
if my mistakes annoy you. I’m not a Native speaker and I’m only writing this to
get my writing juices flowing and finish my WIP’s.
Summary: The summer sun went down on their love long ago. But in their hearts they still can’t let the other go. Bella’s love for Edward is put through the biggest test of all: time. Can their love survive and overcome all obstacles when there is no hope? Set in the late 19th Century. It might hurt, just a little bit.
x-X-x
A Love So Beautiful
London, England 1894.
Many times
I’ve wondered if things would have been easier for me if I hadn’t loved Edward
Cullen so much. Sometimes I even dreamt of a world in which I’ve never met him.
A world in which all the heartache I carried with me was non-existent. It
surprised me how the idea of such world hurt more than any of the things I’ve
suffered for Edward ever had.
As I look
at myself in the mirror, ready to walk down the aisle to unite my life to
another man for all eternity, all I can think of is that in spite of it all I
would not change a thing about my past with Edward.
x-X-x
London, England 1889.
“You’re
being silly!” Edward shouts at me from his position higher up in the hill.
We’re walking towards ‘our spot’ the place where we’ve shared many games and
picnics throughout the years. It’s also the place where I realised I was madly
in love with him. Not that he knows that.
Up in the
hill we have always lived in a world of our own. A place where we could be
ourselves and not the little lady and little lord our parents wanted us to be.
I have
always envied Edward’s endurance under our parents’ pressure, even though he
was usually under much more pressure that I could have ever dreamt. He is the
future Lord Cullen after all. I am simply Bella Swan, the daughter of a very
successful but titleless American businessman.
“I’m not
being silly!” I shout back at him, agitated by the intense hike towards our
meadow. “She was fawning over you. She practically threw herself at your feet.
It was very unsuitable for a lady.”
“You know
how Victoria is, Bella! She just wants to be the centre of everyone’s attention,”
Edward replies, lending me a hand to traverse the final trek of our path.
“Besides,” he adds, hugging me to him in an effort to keep my balance, “we’re
all alone now. No more of Victoria’s antics.”
Edward
smiles that silly smile that makes my insides melt. I push myself away from his
body seeking some clarity to reply.
“You know I
like Victoria,” I say in a weak voice that shames me. I clear my throat to
regain my composure. “I just can’t tolerate her for long when she’s trying to
draw everyone’s attention to herself. She goes from endearing to flamboyant in
a couple of sentences. She tires me.”
“I
understand,” Edward says in a soft voice, “but now we can stop thinking about
her. Come, let’s sit and enjoy the rest of the afternoon without bothersome interruptions.”
I take
Edward’s hand and let him assist me in sitting next to him in the ground. Not
an easy task with the petticoat I’m forced to wear with this dress. Once we’re
sitting, Edward doesn’t let go of my hand and instead draws invisible patterns
on my skin, making me shiver.
“My father
told me he has something very important to discuss with me before I return to
Eton. I think he wants to involve me in his businesses more so that when he’s
gone I’ve acquired some experience.” Edward suddenly comments breaking the
silence.
“Maybe he
wants you to settle down and choose a suitable wife?” I reply hating the mere
idea of Edward marrying someone who is not me.
“Bella, I’m
sixteen years old. I know my father is old-fashioned and a traditionalist but not
even him would force me to marry at such age.”
I nod,
trying to hide the sudden melancholy that has invaded my heart. Even though I
know Edward is right and Lord Cullen will wait until Edward is at least
eighteen to start pressuring him about marriage, I also know that marriage to
me will never be considered. I’m more than suitable to be Edward’s friend. I’m
more than suitable as an acquaintance, because my father has more money than
the King. But I have no title, and as Edward has just correctly stated his
father is a traditionalist. He would never allow his only son to marry the
daughter of an American businessman. My love for Edward is hopeless even if
Edward comes to see me as a woman someday.
“You seem
sad,” Edward remarks tilting my chin with his index finger so that I have to
face him.
“I’m just
thinking how lonely I’ll feel once you do have to take a wife. I doubt your
future wife will be very amenable to allowing you to spend any time alone with
me. As it is your mother has started to question our outings. I heard her say
to my mother the other day that no lady should be allowed so much time alone
with a boy as we are allowed. I fear this might be one of our last visits to
our meadow.”
Edward
drops his hand from my face and lies down on the ground. He closes his eyes as if he were sleeping. I
wait for him to mull over my words for a long time. Tired of sitting I also lie
down and close my eyes. However, just as I’m about to sleep Edward’s voice jars
me from my drowsy state.
“The
solution is fairly obvious then.”
I turn and
look at him, confused. “Not to me, is not. There’s not a woman on this planet
that will allow her husband to have a friendship with another woman. No matter
how understanding a woman she is.”
“She’ll
understand if said wife happens to be the friend too.”
I frown.
“I’m sorry.
I don’t think I understand.”
“Well,
isn’t obvious? You and I shall have to marry. That way my future wife can’t be
jealous because you’ll be my wife, and we can keep coming to our meadow as
often as we want.”
I rise and look
at him quizzically. My heart is hammering in my chest. “You can’t be serious!”
I yell at him, punching his arm.
He catches
my hand and sits so that we are face to face. He places my hand over his chest,
over his heart and says, “Why do you think I’m kidding? It’s fairly obvious to
me that we would make a striking pair. Moreover, we are already best friends,
which is a great deal more than most couples have before they marry. I think it’s
an excellent solution."
I give him
a very stern look and reply without missing a beat, “You truly must be jesting,
Edward. There’s absolutely no way your father would consent to that!” trying to
make light of the subject I add, “also, who told you I would ever want to marry
you? Maybe I already have my sights set on a more interesting candidate?”
Suddenly,
Edward is on top of me, my hands trapped above my head in only one of his. He’s
tickling me like he used to when we were children with his free hand. I can’t
stop myself and laugh boisterously as I kick my legs wildly, trying to get him
off me. My eyes are closed and tears of laughter are falling down my cheeks.
“Edward!
Stop! Please, stop!” I request between laughs.
Then he
does, but when I open my eyes my whole world is shaken. His eyes, once friendly
and sweet, are now heady and full with some feeling my young mind can’t
comprehend.
He’s so
close to me, his breathing as ragged as mine. There’s a change in the air
around us, as if it was filled with an electrical charge that crackles and
zings, making us very aware of the proximity of our bodies.
“Edward,” I
dare whisper before the single one event that moulded the rest of my life
occurs. Edward kisses me, a sweet, gentle kiss that will forever mark me, that
will forever haunt me.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-x-X-x-
A Love So Beautiful
Hertfordshire, England 1889.
Edward’s kiss is
beyond my wildest dreams. I can’t stop my body from squirming under his, my
legs from wrapping around his hips. Even though I’m very well aware that if
anyone were to catch us in this position my reputation would be ruined.
Edward’s hand lets go
of mine as it starts to caress the rest of my body. I can’t hold back the moan
that escapes me when his fingers lightly trace the contours of my bodice. I
hold on to his shoulders, seeking a way retain what’s left of my senses, when his
kiss descends from my lips to my neck. The sensuous way in which his mouth
tastes me, as if I’m a delectable piece of candy, makes my heart hammer inside
my chest so wildly I’m afraid it might try to claw its way out of me.
“Bella,” Edward
whispers softly next to my ear.
“Edward,” I respond in
a groan as my fingers move to tangle in the fine hairs at the base of his neck.
Edward’s breath hitches and I realize
that my skirts are almost at my waist and the only thing separating our hips
are Edward’s trousers and my drawers.
I’m appalled by my
lack of propriety. How could I allow this kiss to turn as intense as it did?
Edward seems to notice
my discomfort and stops. He lies down next to me, his breathing hard as if he
had run around our meadow instead of kissing me senseless.
I lower my skirts,
making sure I’m covered to my knees and then I say in a playful tone, “I never
dreamt my first kiss would be as passionate as that. I think the matter of
whether we would be able to tolerate each other if we were to be married has
been laid to rest.”
Edward laughs next to
me, a rich laugh that denotes a level of happiness I find contagious. I laugh
along with him until we are both panting.
I’m invaded by a
feeling of sheer happiness; the likes of which I never allowed myself to think
could ever be bestowed upon me.
I feel Edward’s
fingers thread with mine and I turn myself so that we are facing each other.
Edward’s eyes twinkle with the same exultant feeling that has me smiling like a
fool.
We don’t need to speak
of our feelings—to make wild declarations of love— when they reflect themselves
as clear as they do in our blissful expressions.
“I did say that us
getting married was the perfect solution to our problems,” Edward teases.
I sigh and close my
eyes, trying to hide from Edward the sudden pain that has broken through my
heart amongst our happiness. I know that in spite of Edward’s words and
optimism, a marriage between us is an impossibility.
“What?” Edward asks.
“What is wrong, Bella? Did I hurt you? I didn’t mean to put all of my weight on
you. I’m sorry if I hurt you.”
I want to cry when I
feel Edward’s hand gently caressing my cheek as if I’m something precious,
delicate that he’s afraid to break.
“Don’t cry my Bella,”
he begs.
I take a deep breath
before I dare speak.
“Edward, I’m so sorry
for ruining this precious moment. I’ve been waiting for a kiss from your lips
for so long; I should not be feeling this sadness that engulfs my heart.
However, I know your father as well as you do. Lord Carlisle Cullen will never
allow a marriage between his only son and the daughter of a titleless
businessman. It doesn’t matter how rich my father may be. You know full well
how important titles are for him. If you want tangible proof, your sister Alice
is a perfect example of your father’s way of thinking. You know how in love
Alice was with that American, Mr James Hunter. I still remember how they seemed
to lose in each other’s gazes every time they encountered the other at a ball.
Yet, and in spite of Mr Hunter’s many requests, your father made Alice marry
Lord Whitlock-Hale. I could never erase from my mind the heartbroken expression
in Alice’s face when she was walking down that aisle towards a man she didn’t
love.”
Edward continues to
caress my face lightly, but I can see the doubt creeping into his heart. I’m
sure he must have thought he would be allowed to choose his own wife, granted
she was a respectable woman, due to the fact that he’s Lord Cullen’s only son. We
both know better though. Mr Hunter was of a very respectable family with almost
limitless resources. But whose proposal won out in the end? Lord Whitlock-Hale’s.
Simply because he’s set to inherit an Earldom.
“We’ll find a way,” he
states firmly after a few quiet moments. Almost as if he’s trying to convince
himself that we will indeed find a way to be together.
“I wish—“ I start but
I’m interrupted by Edward’s finger as he places it atop my lips.
“Don’t say it, Bella.
Don’t say that you’d wish things were different, because I don’t. You’re
perfect as you are and I guarantee you that we will find a way.”
I nod, despite the fact
that I don’t believe for an instant that it will be as simple as that.
Edward hugs me close
to his body and places a kiss on my forehead. I bask in his embrace as I listen
to the rustling of leaves and the humming of bees.
I allow sleep to overtake
me in the peace of our meadow and dream of a world in which Edward and I can be
together forever.
-x-X-x-
A Love So Beautiful
Hertfordshire, England 1889.
“Where have you
been, Bella?” My mother scolds me as soon as I enter my room. We have been
staying at Masen house–residence of the Cullen family for generations— for the
last few weeks and her rooms are directly across from mine.
I was so happy with Edward in our meadow, so thoroughly
blissed, that I didn’t realize how late it had gotten until the first orange
lights announcing twilight started to paint the horizon.
“I’m so sorry
mother. Edward and I went for a walk and we lost track of time. I didn’t mean
to worry you.”
My mother sighs,
a heavy conflicted sigh. I can tell that something in what I’ve said has cast a
shadow of concern over her heart.
“My darling,
Bella. My sweet innocent daughter,” she says walking towards me and placing
both of her hands at each side of my face. She fixes her gaze on mine, making
sure I’m looking at her before she continues, “nothing good will come of your
infatuation with that boy.”
I startle and
take her hands away from my face. Am I that transparent? Does everyone know how
I feel about Edward?
I try to brush
the matter aside by making light of what my mother has said.
“Don’t be silly,
mother. I have no other feelings towards Edward besides those of friendship.”
“Bella, sweet
girl, don’t try to lie to your own mother. You can try to fool everyone, even
yourself, but not your mother. I very well know that you’ve been infatuated
with that boy since you were a small child. However, what was an innocent crush
when you were twelve can be damming at your age. Don’t think I’m too old to remember
what it was like to be young and in love. That boy feels the same way you feel
and it’s just a matter of time before either of you pushes a boundary that
shouldn’t be pushed.”
I shudder as I recall
how close Edward and I came today at pushing one of those boundaries. In the
midst of our need to touch the other we completely disregarded propriety or
good sense.
In spite of that
fact, I feel defensive when my mother so blatantly states a truth I believed I
had managed to hide so far.
“I don’t know
what your meaning is,” I avow stubbornly, trying to diffuse my mother’s
confidence in her observations of my feelings for Edward. Denial seems like my
only line of defence at the moment.
“Bella, please
don’t insult me by denying something as obvious as your feelings for that boy.”
My mother comes
near me again and takes my hands in hers. “I love you my darling. You’re our
precious daughter. No one will love you like your father and I do. So please
trust me, trust us with your sorrows.”
“Oh, momma!” I
finally relent and hug my mother as I sob. It feels as if a great weight has
been lifted from my shoulders and I have not admitted a thing yet.
“Shush… my
sweet. Everything will be fine.”
I allow myself
to cry a while more, letting out the doubts and fears that are plaguing my
heart before my mother and I take a seat. Her arms are wrapped around me, her
hand lightly patting my shoulder in comfort as I confess my secrets against her
neck.
“I love him,
momma. And I know… I just know that Lord Cullen will never permit a marriage
between us. You know what he forced Alice to do. She hates her husband. I can
see it in her eyes every time he is in a room with her. She misses Mr Hunter so
much. I’ve heard her cry at night every time we stay at Masen house and her
husband is not with her.”
“Bella, I must
confess something to you.”
“What?” I ask,
scared that her admission might shatter my fragile heart further.
“The purpose of
our visit has much to do with this situation between you and Edward. I asked
your father to negotiate a marriage contract between you and Edward with Lord
Cullen. The contract is to be fulfilled when you and Edward decide to marry so
don’t be scared about us forcing you into a marriage at such young age. I just
had to do something to make your dreams come true once I realised your feelings
for that boy were true.”
“Momma!” I exclaim
in sheer joy as I hug her tighter to me. “I’m so happy, momma! So happy! When will
the announcement be made? Will it be made in the dance tomorrow night?”
My mother laughs,
her sweet laughter that has always brought calm into my soul.
“I don’t know
darling. Your father wasn’t very happy with arranging a marriage for his
sixteen year old daughter. But I made sure to impart the urgency of the matter.
If Lord Cullen is bound by honour to allow a marriage between you and Edward, he’ll
have no excuse to back down in the future. I know for a fact that Lord Cullen’s
finances are not in their best condition, so he’ll be more agreeable towards a
marriage between his son and an heiress such as you.”
I straighten so
that I can stare directly into my mother’s eyes. I need her to see the immense gratitude
I’m feeling. My words are not enough to express the joy her words have brought
me.
“Momma, I love
you. I’m the luckiest girl in the world to have the parents I have. This is the
greatest gift you could have ever given me. I’ll never forget this day.”
“Oh, don’t say
that! You’ll make me cry!” My mother says in a teasing tone, but I see the
truth of her statement in her glassy eyes.
We hug each
other for a while, basking in this happy moment.
“Momma, if you had
this plan in motion already. Why did you scold me about the time I spent with
Edward today?”
I can hear my
mother’s laughter rumbling inside her chest. “I had to get you to admit your
feelings openly somehow. Besides, friend or fiancé, he’s still a boy and I
remember how boys that age think. I’m not about to let you spend hours at a
time with him.”
I smile softly
as I tighten my arms around my mother.
I’m the luckiest
girl in the world. All of my dreams are about to come true.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thanks
for reading.
 |
| Masen House. |
0 comments:
Post a Comment