Disclaimer: These characters are the sole
property of Stephenie Meyer. I am just messing around with them.
A/N I don’t have a pre-reader or a Beta or
anything of the sort. All mistakes are mine and mine alone.
-x-X-x-
A Love So Beautiful
London,
England 1894
“Miss,” our butler greets as I walk into the foyer. I’m still rattled by
my conversation with Alice and by Edward’s presence across the street. Was he
following me? Was he there to see, Alice? Does he know by now what Alice
confessed to me?
Millions of questions swirl in my mind, and I feel suddenly exhausted.
“Please ask Bessie to set a tea service for me in my parlour,” I request
Mr Banner, our butler.
“Of course, miss,” he replies, bowing his head and walking towards the
kitchen. I am so focused in my thoughts I don’t notice anything out of the
ordinary until I’m overwhelmed by the strong scent of roses as I open the door
to my parlour.
Hundreds of red roses are littered across the room. I gasp as I see them.
They are beautiful and so many, it takes me aback.
“They arrived this morning, Miss,” says Bessie, who is standing behind me
with a tray.
“Who are they from?” I whisper, still in shock.
Bessie walks into the room and I follow. She sets the tray over a table
and walks up to me holding a card out.
“They came with this card, Miss. Mr Banner and I were so shocked when the
delivery boys brought them over. I’ve never seen so many flowers in one place!”
I only nod, still speechless by the sheer amount of flowers cluttering
the room. I read the card in a daze.
You’re in my thoughts every
day.
I never let you go.
You’re in my heart every
day.
Love
It doesn’t have a signature, but it doesn’t need one. I recognize
Edward’s handwriting immediately.
“This must have cost a small fortune, miss! Mr Peter must really love
you. I’ve never seen a man spend so much money on a lady!” Bessie continues,
gushing. Of course, she assumes the flowers are from Peter. He’s after all
courting me. No one would suspect that these flowers are from a very much
married man that should know better.
The card isn’t signed and I’m guessing he was discreet enough to avoid a
scandal. Still, it’s such a great risk for me to accept such expensive gift
from him and he knows this. It’s like he’s purposefully taunting Peter and my
father, who will have much to say about this.
I sigh as I take a seat, suddenly feeling the weight of the situation.
There’s no way Peter and father won’t learn of this. Even if I ask Bessie to
throw all the flowers immediately, Mr Banner or Bessie will comment about them.
I can request Bessie’s discretion but Mr Banner’s loyalties lie with my father
not with me.
This is such a mess.
There’s a traitorous part of me who is rejoicing in Edward’s gift and
words. I try to squash this part of me constantly but I can’t seem to make it
see reason. This is so dangerous, my
conscience says. This is so exciting,
the romantic in me replies. I wish I could smack some sense into the romantic
in me.
“Would you like anything else?” Bessie enquires once she has the tea set
up.
“Only that no one disturbs me. I have some correspondence I need to reply
to.”
“Of course, miss,” Bessie replies diligently and leaves the room.
I run to my desk, grab a piece of paper and start writing.
Edward,
While I appreciate the
gesture behind the flowers I ask you to please stop this madness.
Need I remind you that you
are a married man? Nothing good will come of these games you’re playing and I’m
the one who has the most to lose. Please cease with the gifts, notes and the
surprise visits before we are hurt yet again.
B
I don’t sign my full name in case
this note falls in the wrong hands. I seal the note and call for a footboy,
hoping this note is enough to stop Edward’s attempts to contact me, knowing it
won’t stop him if he’s determined to win me over.
-x-X-x-
When I greet Peter the next day I’m sure he has somehow heard of Edward’s
roses. All of them are in the rooms upstairs, but I don’t doubt my father has
already informed him of them.
Father was not amused when he learned it wasn’t Peter who sent the roses,
and was even less pleased to learn that Edward had paid me a visit. If it
weren’t for aunt Leah’s intervention I’m almost certain my father would have
challenged Edward to a duel over the roses he sent me.
I am an unmarried lady, an American at that. My actions are even more
scrutinized than those of a proper English lady, my father almost yelled at
aunt Leah when she was trying to convince him not to kill Edward. Father never
yells.
I’ve received no response to my note so far, and although that should
encourage me to think Edward will respect my wishes and keep his distance from
me, in reality it only adds to my anxiety.
“I don’t come bearing extravagant gifts like your other suitors. I hope
that is okay with you,” Peter says in a sarcastic tone I do not appreciate.
I narrow my eyes at him and signal a couch for him to take a seat.
“You act as if I’m encouraging his attentions. I thought you knew me
better than that,” I whisper in a tight voice as I take a seat across from him.
Peter takes a deep shuddering breath as if he was trying to calm himself.
“I’m sorry, Bella. I do know you have no fault in this situation. I just
had a very unpleasant encounter with your friend at the gentleman’s club I
attend and I’m still a bit too rattled.”
“You talked to him?” I cry out in shock.
“Before you scold me for seeking him out, I didn’t. He was there before I
arrived. Apparently, he owns the club.”
“He owns the club you attend?” I ask dumbly.
“Seemingly, it’s a recent purchase. I would not put him past him to have bought
the facility solely to spite me though. He seemed very amused by my reaction
when I learned he was not there as a member but as the owner, overseeing
business.”
“Edward is not that petty,” I defend him quickly, much too quickly which
does not go unnoticed by Peter who practically glares at me.
“The Edward you met all those years ago might have not been malicious but
the man I met today was certainly out for blood. Mine to be exact.”
“Don’t be ridiculous!” I say without thinking.
“Ridiculous?” Peter almost growls. “He greeted me as if I was his oldest
friend, invited me to join me at his table, then proceeded to direct comments
at me of a very belligerent nature. The antagonism was veiled but anyone could
see clearly that he was issuing a challenge. He practically announced that he
was interested in you and would stop at nothing to get you. He didn’t say it in
so many words, but I was able to read his intent clear as day.”
I huff in exasperation. “Peter, I
think you’re biased and seeing more into Edward’s words than there is. I
already asked him to stay away from me, and it seems that is his intention. I
have not received any communication from him since the flowers arrived.”
“Bella, you’re being naïve if you think he will stop pursuing you simply
because you asked him nicely. Like I told you before, if it were me and I had
some hope you would reciprocate my feelings, nothing would stop me.”
“Peter, please,” I plead taking one of Peter’s hands in mine. “I came
here to close this chapter in my life once and for all. I want to learn to care
about you in a way I can agree to marry you one day, but I can’t if you keep
focusing in the past when I’m trying to move past it.”
Peter squeezes my hand lightly, and I know he’s still the same friend I
relied upon when I was in the Vineyard. He will try on my behalf.
“I cannot promise I will not react if he tests my patience again, Bella. He
wants a reaction out of me. I don’t know what his game is but he definitely
wants you back.”
“Peter,” I started, instilling as much determination into my voice as I
could muster. “Edward made his choice years ago. I gave him ample opportunity
to balk and marry me instead of Victoria. He has had to suffer the consequences
of his choices. I am making my choices now. I want to give myself a chance to
be happy, and I truly believe that if anyone could make me fall in love again
it’s you. You’re my best friend now. He can’t do anything to change my mind.
He’s a married man. We’ll stay for a few months, and when we return to America
with father and mother, you’ll see I’ll be able to forget about this whole
episode in my life in a way I could not before.”
“I really hope you’re correct, Bella. I know you’re not ready for me to
say aloud how I feel about you. I just hope you can feel for me half of what I
feel for you once you free yourself from the ghosts of the past.”
I let go of Peter’s hand and smile tentatively at him. He has hinted in
several occasions that he feels strongly towards me. I’m flattered by his
feelings for me, even a bit excited about the idea of someone as kind and
handsome as Peter caring for me in that way. However, I’m scared as well. Peter
has already endured more pain than he deserved. Maria shattered his heart. It
took him years to overcome the heartache and learn to trust again. I cannot
betray his trust and friendship.
“I can only promise that I will try,” I reply honestly.
“Very well, I’m tired of this subject,” Peter says effectively changing
the course of our conversation. “I know that you missed your friends from your
time in London. Luckily, I managed to secure an invitation for tomorrow’s ball
at the Marquess de Vere’s residence. I’m told he holds the best balls in town.”
I’m suddenly excited by the prospect of a night out dancing. If there was
one thing I always enjoyed in London was the entertainment. New York is never
lacking in entertainment, but there is something about a London ball during the
season that could not be duplicated no matter how hard the New York society
tried.
“That sounds lovely,” I say sincerely. It is very thoughtful of Peter to
consider a ball amongst the turmoil Edward has managed to cause in recent days.
“I will be escorting you of course; sadly your father was most adamant
that your aunt should accompany us.”
I smile. Peter is not very amused with how restrictive the rules of
etiquette and propriety are in London compared to those of New York.
“I suspect Alice will be in attendance as well. She confessed to me that she’s
attending as many balls as she can manage before she has to enter her
confinement.”
“I hope she is. I’ve been looking forward to meeting this Alice I’ve
heard so much about. She sounds like my type of people, not afraid to say what
she really thinks.”
I have to grin at that. It’s true. If there’s one thing Peter and Alice
have in common is their uncanny ability to let you know exactly what they truly
think about you and still be polite about it.
“I think you’re going to adore her,” I say with a smile on my face.
-x-X-x-
It feels like old times when Peter, aunt Leah and me walk into Lord de
Vere’s ballroom. I immediately spot Alice and her husband in a corner of the
room talking animatedly with a woman I recognise as Lady de Vere. I smile at
her when she sees me and direct Peter and aunt Leah towards where Alice is
standing.
“Alice,” I greet her as we reach her. She hugs me tightly to her small
frame and I sigh in contentment. Alice is one of the closest friends I have,
and in spite of the time we’ve been apart being around her feels like home to
me.
“Alice, this is Mr Peter Rothschild,” I introduce my best friends to each
other. Peter as per usual uses all the tricks he has under his sleeve to charm
Alice silly.
I see Jasper standing by Alice smiling adoringly at her and I can’t help
the surge of happiness I feel for my friend as introductions are made. At least
Alice got her happy ending in the end.
“Mr Rothschild,” Alice giggles. “I can see why our Bella here allows you
to court her. You’re a charmer. I’ll bet you left many broken hearts back in
America.”
“I would not presume such feat,” Peter replies in what I think is an
attempt at modesty.
Aunt Leah scoffs and Alice snickers at the gesture that clearly denies
Peter’s statement.
“This young man has broken so many hearts across the East coast I’ve lost
count,” aunt Leah states matter-of-factly.
I feel a sense of rightness as my past and present meet and seem to like
each other. I don’t know yet if my courtship with Peter will prosper and
eventually lead to marriage, but I can’t help but smile at Alice’s obvious
approval of Peter in my life. She only wants my happiness, and I know she’ll
accept anyone who brings me joy after what I went through for her brother in
the past.
Alice pushes me towards a corner not far from where Peter and Jasper are
now engaged in a discussion about Peter business in railroads.
“He’s so handsome,” she gushes. I nod. Peter is beautiful inside and out.
“You seem happy with him. Does he make you happy, Bella?” Alice
questions, true interest plastered in her features.
“He does. He’s patient and understands me better than anyone. He’s my
best friend,” I state firmly, trying to convey Peter’s importance in my life in
recent years. “He saved me from myself when I was at my worst, Alice.”
“I can imagine,” she says quietly, her eyes full of sadness for the pain
I endured years ago.
“Well, if he makes you happy there’s nothing I can do but give you my
felicitations. I hope he fills the void my brother left behind, and then some.
You deserve happiness, Bella.”
“Thank you,” I reply with earnest gratitude.
“I believe I owe you a dance,” Peter says interrupting us.
“You do?” I inquire coyly.
“Most certainly. I avowed that I would dance with the most beautiful woman
in all of England on this night. Therefore, I must dance with you. There’s no
one lovelier than you tonight.”
“Only tonight?” I tease, giggling.
“Always,” Peter replies with a solemn expression as if he were declaring some
deep and sacred truth. The seriousness of his expression is broken by the way
he winks at me playfully, which only makes me laugh loudly at his antics.
He offers his hand and I allow him to lead me towards the dance floor.
-x-X-x-
I’m standing with Alice in a corner. Aunt Leah is speaking to a few
matrons not far from me and Jasper and Peter are playing cards in the card room
when Alice gasps.
“What is the matter?” I ask, worried it is something to do with her
delicate condition.
“He came,” she hisses behind
her fan. Her eyes are throwing daggers at someone behind me. I don’t need any
type of confirmation from her to guess who the he she’s referring to is.
“He never attends balls. Never! Why is he here? Oh, I’m going to have some words with him,” Alice
whispers, her voice full of ire.
Before I’m able to formulate any sort of response I can feel him behind
me. His presence is magnetic. Like a cord of energy exists between us that
crackles whenever we are in proximity of each other. My breathing is suddenly
ragged, my hands trembling.
“Alice,” he greets in that velvet voice that caresses my entire body
every time he utters a word.
I turn and face him. His eyes are dark, the deepest green, like moss.
He’s looking at me with purpose. I know he’s not here coincidentally.
“Edward,” Alice practically growls.
“Miss Swan,” he says as he bows and ignores Alice.
“Lord Cullen,” I greet him with a curtsey. It’s odd to have to be formal
with someone who owns your soul so wholly.
“I thought we would not be graced with your presence this evening,
brother dear. You’re not usually at these events,” Alice says with palpable animosity.
“Lord de Vere is a very good friend of mine, Alice. He was most insistent
that I attend this evening. One cannot slight good friends, don’t you agree?”
“Most assuredly. One should never slight good friends,” Alice replies,
her eyes narrowed. “I would like to have a word with you brother if you can spare
me a moment.”
“Of course, sister. As soon as I escort Miss Swan back to you. I must rob
you of her company for a moment. It has been years since we last danced,” he
responds, smiling that wicked grin he usually reserved for when he was planning
some mischief.
“Would you do me the honour of granting me the next dance, Miss Swan?” he
enquires, offering his hand.
Before I even have time to reply he grabs one of my hands in his and
practically drags me to the dance floor. To my utter despair the next piece is
a waltz, and as soon as the first notes start playing I’m forced to stand much
too close to Edward’s body. Much too close.
“Do you remember how to waltz?” Edward questions. He’s smiling crookedly
and I can’t help my blushing. I look away before I’m able to face him again. I
place my hands in his as he snakes his arm around my waist. I’m determined to
not play his games.
“I remember how to waltz. We are not savages in America. We waltz in New
York as well. In fact, it’s a favourite dance of Peter and me.”
Edward’s eyes darken and I can see the fury brewing behind them. He
doesn’t like the idea of Peter and me dancing so close to each other.
We start moving with the song. My breath catches when Edward brings my
body closer to him, almost too close to be proper.
“Please keep your distance,” I whisper, trying to move away from him.
“I can’t stay away from you,” he says and I know he’s not talking about
dancing.
“You must,” I reply simply, my voice is not as strong as I would hope.
"I tried. For years I tried to leave you alone. I’m tired of
trying,” he states as we twirl around the dance floor.
Edward used to be an efficient dancer when we were younger. He seems to
have perfected his technique with the years and now he’s superb. I can feel the
eyes of the crowd around us as they admire us from afar. We must be a sight.
I can feel Edward’s hand in my lower back. His fingers move inconspicuously,
but I feel them as if they were branding me with fire with each stroke.
“Why do you torture me so? Nothing will come of this, Edward. You’re
married and I will not agree to be your mistress,” I plead.
His hand wraps around my hand tightly, almost too tightly. Our eyes lock
and it’s like the world ceases to exist. It’s only the two of us in this
ballroom.
“I would never insult you with such request,” Edward susurrates. “You’re
much too precious to me. You’re my life, Bella. I want my life back.”
I only realize the song is over when Edward stops, and guides me back to
Alice and my aunt who looks thoroughly annoyed.
“We need to talk in private,” Edward whispers in my ear before we reach
them. “Meet me at the library in ten minutes.” We have been in Lord de Vere’s
house before so I know which library he means. We used to hide in that library
when we grew bored during a ball in the past.
He dares me to say no with his eyes, but I will not. I must convince him
to stop before he incenses Peter enough for him to do something drastic. I do
not want them to fight for me. I nod as he places my hand on my aunt Leah’s
waiting hand.
-x-X-x-
“Edward!” I whisper-yell as I walk into Lord de Vere’s darkened library.
The only source of light in the room is the fire crackling on the hearth
I managed to escaped Alice and aunt Leah’s watchful gazes, but it won’t
be long before they start looking for me.
I’m about to leave when I feel a hand wrap around my wrist and pull me
inside.
Suddenly, I’m against the door, and the door is closed. I can see his
eyes, blazing. He’s studying me, drinking me in. I’m mesmerized by the
brilliancy of his beauty, to which I’m not immune, even after all these years.
We are quiet. Only the sound of our agitated breathing seems to invade
the room. He lowers his head and I stop breathing completely. His nose nuzzles
mine, and before I know what or how this came to be, his lips descend on mine.
After all these years trying to convince myself that I do not love him
anymore, that he killed every ounce of my love for him when he refused to run
away with me, this kiss, this kiss shatters all of my efforts. I moan and his
tongue enters my mouth and meets mine in a sensuous dance.
It’s startling how much my soul craves for his taste. His wet, warm,
delicious mouth is all I can focus in. After years of feeling empty I feel so
full, full of warmth and a passion I long thought extinguished.
Edward lifts me as if I weight the same as a feather and pushes me higher
against the door. I hold onto a bookcase nearby, looking for something to hold
me to earth as Edward consumes me.
I feel my entire body trembling with desire as Edward’s hands explore the
rest of my body. His big hands caress my bodice, my clavicle, my neck, my jaw,
the rise of my bosom and the exposed skin over my cleavage. I’m on fire,
burning from the inside, my conscience nothing but ashes on the back of my
mind.
“My Bella,” Edward moans against my mouth. His voice brings me back from
the daze that surrounds me. I push him away and he stumbles a bit dropping me.
He’s still stunned, a few paces away from me as I straighten myself.
“I’m not yours! You’re Victoria’s, remember?” I growl in anger. Anger at
myself mostly, for surrendering to Edward’s kiss so easily.
He walks towards me but I stop him with a gesture of my hand.
“Do not come near me, I can’t think straight when you’re near me.”
“Bella,” he says again, his voice full of emotion.
“Please, Edward. We need to talk and I cannot talk to you rationally when
you’re near me. I need to have some modicum of distance from you to clear my
thoughts.”
He doesn’t say anything but respects my wishes and keeps his distance as
I press myself harder against the door, seriously considering an escape.
“Why are you doing this?” I ask, not for the first time.
“I told you why. For years I convinced myself to let you go. My life was
too complicated. Tragedy after tragedy chased after me for years. I told myself
I was cursed, doomed to walk this earth alone, without you. And then I saw you,
and it was as if my soul had returned to my body. Do you have any idea how
empty I felt all these years without you?”
“Of course I have an idea,” I yell without considering the very real
possibility that we may be overheard. "I loved you, Edward! You were my
entire life. Do you know that I almost killed myself the day I received your
letter? The only letter that found its way to me? Peter saved me. I jumped from
a boulder into the freezing ocean and Peter rescued me from myself in more ways
than one. So do not talk to me of pain. Do not talk to me of feeling empty,
because I’ve experienced it all, and it almost killed me.”
Tears are streaming down my face. Edward is crying as well, not a sight I
can say I was prepared for.
“I didn’t know,” he whispers.
“No one does, only Peter knows what I did.”
“I’m so sorry, Bella.”
“Too little, too late, Edward. I’m trying to move on. I didn’t make the
crossing for you. I made the crossing for myself. I needed to face the demons
of my past before I could give my heart to Peter completely.”
“Do you love him?” Edward questions. I can hear the heartbreak in his
voice at the possibility that I might love another. I could lie, convince him
that I love Peter the way I should, enough to marry him. But something in me
keeps me from lying to Edward.
“I love him, but not as much as I loved you.”
“Loved?”
“Love, present tense. I still love you, Edward, but that doesn’t change
anything. You’re still married, and I’m still going to marry Peter someday.”
“It changes everything,” he whispers. He tries to walk towards me again
but I stop him with a hard look.
“It changes nothing,” I say in a firm tone.
“Bella,” he rakes his hair nervously with his fingers, and habit of his
when he’s agitated or nervous. “Things are different now. I have a lot of
power. The kind I didn’t have when we were younger. And I’m not referring to
the money alone. I know Alice told you about my past. I’m no fool, Bella. I
know I’ve caused you a great deal of pain, and I know I don’t deserve you.
However, I can’t seem to make myself let you go. No matter the years or the
distance between us, you’re always with me. You know why I named my daughter
Elizabeth?”
I shake my head. Elizabeth is a common enough name in England. It didn’t
draw my attention when Alice told me Edward’s daughter was named Elizabeth.
“Isabella is the Italian version of the name Elizabeth. I named my
daughter after the one woman I’ve loved in all my life. I named her after you.”
I gasp, taken aback by Edward’s confession. He thought of me, even in such painful time
in his life?
“You see, Bella. No matter what I do, it always leads back to you. No
matter what I’m doing or who I’m with, no matter if I’m happy or at hell’s
door, you’re always there. I can’t live without you. And if I have to move
heaven and earth to have you by my side, I will. I’ve learned from my mistakes
and I’m stronger because of them.”
“No, I can’t. I…Peter, we—” I ramble, too stunned by Edward’s words to
utter a logical response.
“Peter can go to hell!” Edward exclaims. He takes a deep breath as if
calming himself before continuing. “I appreciate everything he has done for
you, Bella. But you cannot tie your life to someone for the wrong reasons.
Gratitude and friendship are not good enough reasons to marry. Trust me, if
there’s something I’ve learned is that the only reason worth marrying is love.”
“What do you suggest then? That I become your mistress?” I hiss.
“I have a plan in motion. You have to trust me not to disrespect you like
that. Soon things will be clearer and I’ll be in a position to offer you more.
I just need you to wait. Do not marry that American until I can set everything
in motion to divorce Victoria.”
“I can’t. I’ve waited too long. I promised Peter I would give him a
chance,” I say, shaking my head, trying to deny even the smallest possibility
that Edward and I can be together. I cannot allow myself to hope again. I
cannot betray Peter’s trust in this way.
Edward walks towards me and I stiffen. However, instead of kissing me
again, he opens the door beside me and gazes down at me for a long moment
before he places a kiss on my forehead.
“Please, wait for me. It’ll just be a bit longer,” he whispers and with
those words he leaves me. I’m stunned, confused and scared. I don’t know
exactly what Edward has in mind to force Victoria to divorce him. However, if
there’s any truth behind the rumours of his ruthlessness and determination, I
can only hope it’s nothing that could potentially destroy us.
-x-X-x-
Okay,
sorry updates have slowed down this week. I needed a mental break. I have some
important exams in October so I anticipate once a week updates—twice a week if
it’s a good week— until exams are over. Sorry but I hope you understand exams
are important, right? I’ll try to make each chapter worth your while though. :D
Thanks for
reading :)
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